


Snowbird

by EllieAird



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Commiecorp, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kasnian Kara - Freeform, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lesbian Lena Luthor, Redcorp, Russian!Kara, SuperCorp, there are some quotes by the little prince because why not, whats the tag for Russian Kara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-12-25 17:32:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18266096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieAird/pseuds/EllieAird
Summary: "She looks like Kara, but Lena knows she isn’t, and she only sighs. After her best friend took her glasses off she surrendered to the fact that it doesn’t matter how hard she tries to escape it, she’s always surrounded by weird things."orLena' gets to meet Russian Kara and has a love story with her and later, Kara. Because there's no better Danvers than all Danvers and Russian Kara is an angel.





	1. Lena

**Author's Note:**

> I don't exactly know what this is other than I got inspired after seeing how precious Russian Kara is on the show. My other story deals with her rather differently and this felt needed because the character the show created had a beautiful origin that really gave me the feels.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. Since I didn't know if I wanted fluff, angst or smut, I kinda did them all. Also, Russian Kara has no name so I used the only two nicknames that are heard on the show,
> 
> As always, all mistakes are mine, pardon my non native English speaking brain.

When Lena sees her for the first time, it seems like Kara has come to her after a rough day, maybe to talk about her awful night patrolling or maybe to ask for some advice in the middle of the night. Lena pretends to be asleep, wanting to give her best friend the biggest scare of her life when she comes near her but when Lena peeks through the corner of her eye and sees a confused and sad expression being illuminated by the moonlight, she figures out it is better to see what’s going on.

Lena knows Kara saw her, but still she hasn’t noticed Lena’s awake, so the blonde keeps walking until she sits on a couch, holding her knees to her chest and Lena can hear the tiny whimpers that come out of her. Perhaps she’s waiting for her to wake up so she can talk to her, so Lena goes over there on her tiptoes, careful not to disrupt her and, when she’s almost there, the blonde looks up.

Her eyes seem curious but, at the same time, they’re clouded by an infinite sadness Lena can’t put words to describe. As soon as she sees her, she realizes this isn’t who she thought it was but, surprisingly, she doesn’t feel scared.

There’s no need to feel threatened because whoever this is, doesn’t look menacing. She looks like Kara, but Lena knows she isn’t, and she only sighs. After her best friend took her glasses off she surrendered to the fact that it doesn’t matter how hard she tries to escape it, she’s always surrounded by weird things.

The stranger never stops looking at Lena, like waiting for her to do something, but, as soon as they both make eye contact again, the alien looks down. The sobbing increases and she hides her face on her knees. Lena doesn’t know what goes over her, but she sits down next to her and hugs her, not knowing how many hours pass until Lena wakes up a little closer to dawn and sees her fast asleep in her arms. Holding Lena’s hands tightly, like she needs them to keep herself grounded.

 

Some nights pass after the first encounter and Lena’s been waiting for her to come back to her place. Intrigued about who this might be, Lena prepares two cups of tea each night, to have something to receive her with. Her mom used to make this for her when she wanted to calm Lena down after a nightmare and they always helped. So she smiles while remembering her and her soft voice telling her _“Sweet Lena, you were born out of love.”_ while she slowly rocked her on that big chair she had in the tiny house her parents had built for her. Surrounded by trees and a lake where little Lena used to swim with her, and she can’t think of a happier memory.

The blonde arrives and seems startled to find Lena in the very same couch they both shared days ago, so the Luthor only extends her hand and offers her a cup of tea. She seems hesitant at first, but finally takes it and sits next to Lena. The brunette covers them both with the big blanket she brings with her and the Kryptonian just snuggles closer.

She smells like forest and it brings Lena back to her childhood days. The smell of nature surrounding her little nose and the feeling of grass on her bare feet while she walks home from an adventure in the garden and waits for mom to serve her some cookies. She feels safe with this woman, even though the question of who she really is remains unanswered. The girl slowly puts the cup on the table after she’s done and looks at Lena, her eyes are again filled with tears, so Lena takes her head in her hands and puts it on her shoulder while shushing her softly and caressing her hair.

She falls asleep again.

 

The third time Lena sees her, she thanks God for not going to work and taking a power nap to be able to stay awake late at night, because she wants to know more. Her love for science has made her someone obsessed with discovering the things she doesn’t know, so her curiosity gets the best of her.

The woman sits down next to Lena and holds her knees to her chest again, like always. Lena can see her hair covering her face, so she gets up and sits on the tiny table to be in front of her. She holds her face with delicacy with one hand and puts the hair behind her ears so she can properly look at her. The brightest blue Lena’s ever seen stares back at her, the lips she’s used to see curved in a smile are there and the same little scar decorates her forehead, giving her that bit of humanity that she loves about her alien friend and this alien stranger that looks like her friend.

Lena smiles at her, not knowing how to react about her beauty and that aura of innocence that surrounds her. The most alien part about her. Kara is also innocent in a way, she likes to always believe about the kindness and goodness of people so she argues with Lena when the scientist tells her that some people are inherently evil, but, besides that, Kara is like everyone else. She’s really smart, has a quick mind to crack jokes out of nowhere and always has a smile on her face. But this woman is different.

She is surrounded by an innocence that’s unlike the one Lena knows. That’s just like the one that reminds Lena about her childhood self. It is the innocence that doesn’t smile often and doesn’t choose to believe in the kindness of people, it is the innocence that gives you witnessing hard things when you’re unprepared and leaves you wondering _“how is this possible”_ because in your pure mind and heart there’s no room for hostility or evil. It’s the innocence that clouds your eyes with tears because you can’t express your feelings and instead of loudly crying, you just hide and whimper to sooth no one but yourself.

It’s the innocence of an unprepared mind that’s dealing with the worse of the world. So Lena relates to her and holds her tight while quietly whispering _“What’s your name?”_ because she doesn’t want to raise her voice and scare her. She looks at her and she seems marvelled by the sound of Lena’s voice, and the brunette mentally laughs, because, after three encounters, those are the first three words that are said in the company of the other. She seems amused as well.

Lena asks her the same question and the tiny smirk that had her lips curved now becomes the sweetest smile she’s ever seen, but still, the woman doesn’t answer. She just stares at Lena in wonder and she realizes that maybe she can’t understand her.

So she takes her hands and points at herself and says _“I’m Lena”_ and then takes her finger and taps the other one’s chest lightly while she follows her motions with her eyes _“What’s your name?”_

Her mouth moves and Lena’s surprised to find a voice a little bit deeper than she expected. She expected her to sound just like Kara, but again, she’s proven wrong. This voice is deeper and it seems calming. She speaks strongly but it still sounds soft. She tries to communicate but Lena can’t understand the strange language she’s speaking, so she gets up and looks for a paper and a pencil and gives it to her.

She understands Lena and the brunette sees her take the pencil and start writing on the paper. The symbols start to make sense. She’s writing in Russian, she was speaking to Lena in Russian and now the Luthor curses herself for not paying attention to the classes of Russian Lillian had paid for her, insistent in the fact that, as a child of wealth, she had to be able to speak a variety of languages. So, while Lex learned Russian and French, she granted Lillian’s wishes by being her rebellious self and learning Irish to spite her and to honour her late mother, and Latin to be able to understand the terms used in the old books her brother gave her.

“English?”

The woman shakes her head no, looking disappointed. So she quickly gets up and retrieves the big box that’s been laying in the back of her closet for ages. She sees that her companion follows her shyly and looks at her with eagerness while trying to discover what she’s doing. So when Lena gets the box and sits on the floor in her room, the Russian woman does the same.

Lena opens the box that has been kept hidden for years, since her father passed away. The one with all the things left from her birth mother. She opens it up and starts to go through everything. She takes out most stuff until she grabs the tiny book that her mom read to her to teach her how to read. The one with colours and pictures she loved.

She looks up at the woman next to her and, although Lena expects to see her waiting for her, the blonde is focused on the fluffy tiny animal on her hands. Lena’s old teddy bear is now on her lap and she’s caressing his face with such tenderness, it makes her heart melt.

“That’s my teddy bear” She looks up at Lena but doesn’t leave it, so the Luthor crawls until she gets in front of her and grabs her hands, pushing them to her chest softly so the teddy bear is pressed on her chest and she can properly hug him.

She smiles and hugs him tighter while burying her face on top of his head and letting a sweet laughter fill the room. A laughter Lena knows is caused by the tickles that the bear causes with his softness.

“His name is Béirín” She points at herself and says _“Lena”_ again and then points at him and says his name: _“Béirín”._

It sounds funny after not saying his name for years. Lena’s first lessons of Irish starting with her mother and her beloved teddy bear, whom for five years was her best friend.

“Bearing?”

She laughs at how it sounds with her accent and tries one more time to pronounce it slowly so she can grasp the pronunciation

_“Béi-rín.”_

“Béirín.”

Both of them smile when the blonde gets it right and Lena decides to open the book.

 _“English”_ she says and that immediately catches the blonde’s attention. Lena chuckles when she looks at her carrying the teddy bear and changing his position so he can also see the book she’s showing her. Lena rests her back on the bed while sitting on the floor and the girl imitates her, focusing on the images and the pictures.

“These are the colours” Lena slides her finger under the word ‘colours’ so she can understand what she means and the girl repeats the word with the strong Russian accent peeking out, making Lena feel kind of relieved by it. She knows that even if she learns, the accent won’t go away and that’s endearing for her. For some reason it makes her more special.

The alien points at the colour red and says _“krasnyj”_. So Lena instantly follows her with a _“red”_ and the woman imitates her, before repeating “ _krasnyj”_ and pointing at Lena to urge her to repeat after her. And she immediately does and, when the girl laughs, Lena doesn’t even care if she’s laughing at her, because she wants to keep hearing that amazing sound forever.

Something catches the girl’s attention and she goes towards it, she grabs the tiny frame on her hands and leaves Béirín behind. Without going near, Lena knows what the woman is seeing. A picture taken by Lionel when the three of them were celebrating Lena’s fourth birthday. Four of her chubby fingers are in front of the camera while she laughs and her mother is carrying her, smiling at Lionel who was taking the photograph. A cake is seen on the table and her name in pink frosting decorates it.

The woman touches the picture with her hand and says _“Le-na”_. Probably reading it on the cake. Lena goes near her and points at the woman, _“Mother”_ and then she points at her younger self _“Daughter”_.

“Krasnyj” The Kryptonian looks like she’s found something. She takes the book with her and opens the page with all the colours. Pointing at the red and then to Lena’s face in the picture.

“Red” and when she moves her hand she finishes it “Daughter”.

“Red Daughter?”

“I”

“You are Red Daughter?”

And she nods and smiles while grabbing Béirín again and softly touching the picture. She whispers quietly trying to not forget the recently learned words _“Red Daughter, I. Lena.”_

“Yes, Lena and Red Daughter. I’m Lena. You’re Red.”

“Me.” She nodded “Red Daughter.”

It makes Lena feel uneasy. Not knowing how someone would have that as a name but, that’s as much information as she’s going to get, because the girl is still far from perfecting everything and being able to talk to Lena completely.

That night neither of them sob, but they both fall asleep in the room floor, surrounded by all of Lena’s happiest memories while Béirín keeps them company throughout the night.

 

Red starts visiting daily and she becomes Lena’s company every night. The Luthor is amazed by how fast she’s learning and she’s grown used to calling her Red, even though she still thinks the name doesn’t fit her at all. Red’s favourite word is _“Lena”,_ she enjoys drinking her tea with milk and honey, and her favourite dessert ends up being the chocolate biscuits Lena bakes for her on her fourth night.

The first time Lena turns on the TV, it is really loud, so Red covers her ears and panics for some seconds until Lena lowers the volume. A little low for her but perfect for Red’s oversensitive ears. She gets closer to it and touches it, unsure of what to do with that, like she’s never seen one before and Lena internally thinks that maybe it is because she’s actually never seen one. So she reminds herself that she needs to keep digging for information, as soon as Red learns how to communicate properly in English.

Red says the word “ _Television”_ and sits down in the couch in front of it, mesmerized by the sharp images of the big TV Lena didn’t want to buy but thought it would add a nice touch to the living room.

After studying it for a while, Lena gets used to finding her zapping throughout the channels until she sees an animal and that’s when Lena realizes that birds are her favourite. The minute she finds her trying to whistle the songs they sing. She gets embarrassed when she catches Lena looking but the brunette just encourages her to go on and keeps a mental note to buy all the documentaries about birds she can find.

Red reads about birds, she watches TV about birds and suddenly before she can master English she already knows all the species of birds there are in the world and she recites them to Lena when they both sit and enjoy each other’s company.

“Snowbird.” She whispers one day while looking down and playing with her fingers. Ashamed to look up.

“What?”

“Snowbird” She repeats “Me”.

“You want that as your name?”

Red eagerly nods with her flushed cheeks and the ponytail Lena made her bobbing with her movement. Lena smiles and feels the need to tell her that probably that name is even odder that being called Red, but seeing how excited she is, she decides against it. Not daring to break her happiness because of what Lena thinks is appropriate and what is not. So she extends her hand to grab Snowbird’s and shakes it.

“Nice to meet you, Snowbird. I’m Lena.”

“Hi, Lena.”

Lena walks with her to the balcony when the blonde has to leave and, after seeing her fly away through her window, seeing how light and free she looks over the white roofs filled with December’s snow, and although she sometimes calls her Red, Lena understands how fitting Snowbird seems for someone like her.

She wasn’t meant to walk but fly, like birds were. Her innocence made her pure and free, like birds were. And since the snow is Lena’s favourite thing about winter nights, she decides that her being her favourite part about all the other nights makes the name more than accurate. It makes her perfect.

 

 

Some weeks go by when she comes with the answers to Lena’s questions. She comes early one night, her usually nostalgic eyes are filled with emotions and she jumps into Lena’s arms for her to embrace her with a tight hug.

“I missed you, Lena.”

Lena hugs her tighter and smiles into her blonde hair. Red’s English has become way better and she’s able to form full sentences and keep up a nice conversation without stopping to figure out the words. Talking with her becomes more pleasant each day that passes, so now Lena asks questions and learns more about her every day.

“I missed you too, Snowbird.” Lena laughs when Snowbird lets go of her to grab her favourite thing in Lena’s house in her arms and hugs him tightly as well. “And I’m sure Béirín also missed your hugs.”

“What are you carrying there?”

Snowbird looks down, takes the books and gives them to Lena.

“Books. They’re books for you to read.”

“Huh. Interesting. Thank you!”

“This is one by Sun Tzu, _The art of war.”_ Snowbird says “and this is _The Prince,_ by Maquiavelo.”

“I didn’t think you’d like these. Didn’t strike me as your type of literature.”

“Can you give me more books that you think I will like?”

Lena nods happily. Excited to share one of her greatest passions with Snowbird, so she brings out _The Little Prince_ and _Gatsby_ for her to read.

She opens up _The Little Prince_ and sees all the drawings in it. Before sitting next to Lena and asking her something.

“Would you read for me?”

Lena chuckles lightly for her request.

“Won’t you get tired of listening to me?”

“Never.”

So she has no other choice but to comply, have the book and start reading. Snowbird lays her head on Lena’s lap and makes herself comfortable while listening to Lena’s voice carry her through the story. She seems delighted, immersed in the world of the tiny prince and his rose. And when Lena’s done, she can see Red’s weeping, but peacefully so. Before the blonde gets up, she asks for another thing.

“Would you read to me again the part of the stars?”

Lena grabs the book and goes exactly to her previous favourite part when she was a little girl and starts caressing her hair while reading again.

_“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travellers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent._

_You alone will have stars as no one else has them. In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted, you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend.”_

She wipes her tears with her hands and smiles.

“That’s more beautiful than all the other books.”

“Is it?”

“It’s my favourite. Do you have a favourite part?”

“Yes. It used to be this one I’m reading to you, but now it has changed.”

“Read it to me.”

Lena goes through the pages until she gets where her favourite lesson from the book is.

_“I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.”_

“Why is it your favourite?”

“Sometimes when you talk too much, you might take away importance to some other things. Sometimes it is better to let your eyes talk or your heart, without adding words to it that might make everything worse. Some feelings are better expressed with actions, when words are useless.

When I met you, I didn’t feel fear. I felt calm and felt the need to comfort you. We met and didn’t know how to communicate, but we didn’t need words before. I was content with sharing a cup of tea and you were happy with me making you chocolate biscuits.”

“You didn’t need words to know they were my favourite.”

“No. I saw how your eyes lit up when you tried them the first time” Lena looks up at her and sees her again “and your eyes are very expressive, miss. They say everything I need to know.”

Snowbird stares at Lena for a while and the latter feels exposed. The blonde’s blue eyes are studying her and she doesn’t move away, keeping her eyes on Lena’s. Every second that passes is like a word is said between them, like millions of confessions and memories are being shared with their eyes. Everything that makes them both who they are. So Lena has no choice than to let herself be drawn in when she gets closer, and, as soon as she feel her lips connect, it seems like the world stops around her.

The kiss is sweet and it tastes like Lena’s favourite tea. Her soft lips surprising her, because although Lena isn’t expecting anything, she assumed that someone like _the Girl of Steel_ would be rough. It’s a nice surprise to find out she’s not.

She moves her lips softly against Lena’s and the brunette follows her rhythm, not wanting to disturb her, and the Luthor lets herself go completely. When Snowbird lets go, she gives Lena a tiny peck and smiles shyly. Lena can see her flushed cheeks and that her mind seems to be running a marathon trying to keep up with what just happened. So the scientist kisses her forehead and Red asks to watch something before leaving.

They sit next to each other and Lena doesn’t hesitate to choose something that has birds on it, knowing how excited it makes Red learning about all the different species anytime she can. They’re both watching TV, the hummingbirds all over the screen when the program gets interrupted by a news report. Supergirl is flying and putting down a fire on an orphanage, Snowbird seems interested and Lena figures that is because she looks just like herself but, when the report ends and the hummingbirds are back on the screen, Snowbird stays quiet and looks at Lena. With a look that seems remorseful and it’s also filled with sadness.

“Supergirl. My sister.”

“She’s your sister?” Lena’s surprised by her words, even though that’d answer all of her questions about them being so alike.

“Yes.”

“Do you know she’s my friend?” She shakes her head and Lena continues talking “And now you’re my friend too.”

Snowbird stares at Lena with intensity like she’s shocked by her words. Which Lena finds silly, considering all the time they’ve been spending together and the kiss she just gave her.

“I’m your friend too. I think.”

“You think? Why aren’t you certain?”

She shrugs her shoulders and holds her knees to her chest to seek for comfort. She holds Béirín close to her.

“Is Supergirl nice?”

“Don’t you know?” She shakes her head no again “She’s my best friend since she arrived here. Reminds me of you and not only because of her looks, but because she’s kind, sweet and she’s really funny.”

“Is she really? As nice as you?”

“Way nicer.”

“Did you tell her about me?”

“No. I figured you wouldn’t want that for some reason.”

“Good.”

“Why?”

“She doesn’t know I’m alive. My friend doesn’t like her that much.”

“Which friend?”

“Alex.”

“Why and how does she not know you’re alive?

She stiffs and shrugs her shoulders, dismissing Lena’s question, and Lena knows better than to ask.

“She has a sister named Alex as well. Which is funny because my brother Lex is also named Alex.”

“Lex?”

Lena looks up at her and notice her brow is furrowed

“Yes. Would you like to know more about my family?”

Snowbird nods and follows Lena to her room again. The place she keeps all those hidden boxes with memories on them, so Lena finds the picture of her first birthday party with the Luthors. Red watches the picture and Lena studies it with her. The decoration is better than the old one with her mom, the cake is bigger and more colourful, there are more people sharing her birthday with her but she can’t help but notice that no one is laughing like Lena and her mother were on the girl’s 4th birthday.

Lionel holds Lex’s shoulder strongly while carrying Lena with the other arm. Lillian is next to her but doesn’t even touch Lena, and all of them share the same blank expression while staring at the camera. The photo was filled with luxury but without any trace of happiness.

“Lillian, Lionel, Lex and me. That’s my adoptive family.” Snowbird cuddles up to Lena while she tells her story. “I came to this family when I was 5, after my mom died. My real mom, from the other picture.”

“You were happy.”

“I was, indeed. I tried to get used to this family. I really tried but it wasn’t the same, there was no love between them. Greed only and ambition, and ability to act like the perfect family.” Lena sighs while reminiscing the worst years of her life. Surrounded by so many people and still feeling so alone.

“Lex was the only one that looked after me for a while. He taught me how to play chess and he actually gave me those very same books you gave me today to read them. I used to want to be like him, so I tried my best to follow his footsteps” Snowbird nods while following Lena’s story “He was captivating because of how smart he was, but then… then he just wanted to brainwash me.”

“Brainwash you?” Snowbird frowns “What does that mean?”

“It means that someone tries to put their ideas in your head until you only believe what they tell you.”

“And he used to do that with you?”

“Yes. He said Superman was evil and that we should plan to kill him, but I knew better than that. I’m not a killer and Superman was good and kind and didn’t deserve what Lex planned for him. So when he realized I wasn’t following him, he abandoned me and tossed me aside, before losing his mind. He’s now in jail because of the atrocious acts he committed. Far from society as he should be.”

Lena hears loud sobbing beside her and she looks at Snowbird. Lena’s shoulder wet with tears and, when the brunette tries to get away from Red to see what’s wrong, the blonde just holds her closer and doesn’t let go. Her hands gripping Lena’s shirt tightly.

“It’s ok. Calm down.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She looks up and just keeps whimpering her apologies.

“Snowbird. How did you find me?”

“I have to go.”

Lena doesn’t want her suspicions to come true. The answer to the why she looked for her and why she didn’t want her sister to find out about her, if she really was her sister, but deep down Lena knows and she always knew. She knows Lex has been leaving prison for short periods of time, she knows he’s on to something and she always knew that this strange alien had probably something to do with him. But, surprisingly, she’s as calm as the first day she saw her. Because she knows her, because she’s shown her, because she’s taken the time to teach her and because she refuses to be a victim of her brother again. And Lena trusts her. Not because of the words she tells her, because they can be used for manipulation and because they can carry no meaning sometimes, but because of her actions. Because she feels it in her heart and she knows that this woman would never hurt her and she knows it since she first laid eyes on her.

“Am I safe?”

Snowbird furiously nods

“Is Kara safe?”

“Yes. I promise.”

And she flies away. And Lena keeps on wondering if her heart ever beat like this before.

 

 

When she arrives the next day, Lena immediately sees her change. She’s bleeding and she’s dirty. Her hair is all messed up and although Lena’s worried by her state, Snowbird manages to smile widely when she sees her and uses her speed to hug Lena like she hasn’t seen her in years.

“I missed you, Lena.”

“What happened?”

She kisses her to quiet her question and looks at her, with eyes that can only show adoration, so Lena melts in those a little bit more. Not daring to look away.

“Can I clean myself?”

“Sure. Just take a bath in the bathroom. It will relax you.”

She nods and Lena heads to the kitchen to prepare her a cup of tea and puts the biscuits she baked for her on a plate. Making sure everything is ready when she heads out but when Lena’s doing it, she hears the distinctive Russian accent she loves coming out of the bathroom.

“Where’s the bucket!?”

Lena goes there and stays out of the bathroom but near so she can hear her better when she answers.

“What bucket?”

“Where you have the water so I can wash myself?”

“The water comes out of the pipes, darling.”

“What pipes?”

“Do you need help?”

“Yes. Please.”

So Lena goes inside, opens the tap and the bathtub starts filling with warm water.

“Wow.”

“You’ve never seen one?”

She shakes her head no

“So I just go in there?”

“Yes” Lena turns her back at Red and starts looking for everything else. “But you need the soap, the shampoo and the conditioner.” She gathers those things for her and when Lena turns around she sees her.

Her long legs while she’s trying to get inside the bathtub, her back, the freckles that decorate it, the dimples near the end of it, her long hair cascading down and offering a contrast between her tanned skin and her blonde curls, and Lena feels like a creep for staring. But she’s perfect and Lena’s sure she’s not aware of that.

When she sinks in the water, she lets a pleased whimper leave her throat due to the warm water engulfing her, and she throws her head back relaxing herself. She looks at Lena beneath her eyelashes and gives her a shy smile while extending her arms to the things Lena’s holding on her hands.

“What are those stuff?” She asks and, for the first time in her life since coming out, Lena stutters while talking to a girl.

“Uhh— ehm, shampoo and conditioner, for—for your hair, and soap for everything that’s not your hair.”

Snowbird lets out a tiny chuckle and then becomes serious again and sighs.

“Can you get in here with me?”

Lens blinks rapidly. Not sure if she’s serious or if she even knows what those words imply. She seems innocent like always and Lena doesn’t know whether to take her invitation or not. The brunette doesn’t want to take advantage of her, so she shakes her head to say no. When she insists and Lena sees her eyes clouding with tears for the rejection, she goes for it and decides to share a bath with her.

Lena starts undressing and she feels self-conscious for what’s going on. L-Corp hasn’t left her with enough time for dating so it’s been a while since she’s been naked with someone else and she’s also sure this is the first time that she’s going to share a bath with another woman.

This is not sex and she knows it, but she feels that this act of trusting someone with the sight of your body while sharing a tiny space was more intimate than sex could ever be. Lena feels the blonde tracing down her body with her eyes and, when she’s finally naked, Red can’t stop looking at her, so she only extends her hands and says “please” for Lena to take them and find balance to get in the tub behind her.

Lena feels her move closer to her until her back is pressed against her chest and her heart flutters for the first time in a long time. She lays her head on Lena’s shoulder and uses Lena’s hand to pour water on her. The brunette understands her request, so she grabs the tiny pot she keeps near and fills it with water while she asks Snowbird to close her eyes.

The Russian laughs delightfully when Lena pours the water on her head and caresses her hair while doing so. Lena does the same with her shoulders, her back and her chest, and the girl smiles with her eyes closed every time she does it.

Lena pours some shampoo on her hands and start massaging Snowbird’s scalp, while the blonde takes care of her own body with the soap Lena gave her. The Luthor caresses her hair softly, making sure she takes away the dirt and the blonde gets closer to her, whispering how much she likes it and Lena can’t help but to feel aroused with her words. She doesn’t mean it to sound sexual and Lena knows it, but she wonders, and her mind flies away while her hand focuses on making her feel good.

“Lena?” Lena stops her ministrations to focus on her words. “I think I love you.”

She lets it go like that. Like she hasn’t just confessed something powerful to her. Like she didn’t arrive beaten up and bleeding before. Like they’re both not naked in the bathtub. And Lena’s heart stops beating for a little while and she thinks she might die, but it doesn’t feel heavy on her shoulders, it just feels weird because, as soon as she hears the words, her throat urges Lena to blurt the words back and she feels the need to reassure her that her feelings are reciprocated.

“I think I love you too.”

Red turns her head to kiss her and that seals the words that had been said in the middle of the night, in the tiny bathroom that meant nothing to Lena but that's now filled with unspoken promises and memories she’ll never be able to forget.

So Lena kisses her forehead and asks her a question.

“Why me?”

She wants to know why the woman involved in what she knows is Lex’s plan has decided against it and is now with her. She wants to know why Snowbird chose to go after her that first night and why she chose to stay and come back every day. Why she chose to hear Lena’s story and teach her Russian, while Lena taught her English. Why she chose to remind Lena about the days she spent with her mother eating chocolate biscuits and drinking tea, and Lena smiles amused when she chooses one of the quotes she has read to her not so long ago in the living room of her apartment to answer.

 _“There might be millions of roses in the whole world, but you’re my only one, unique rose.”_ And Lena understands what she’s talking about when she finishes _“It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important.”_

“I— ”

“I know.” She sighs and tells Lena she’s done with her bath. So both of them get up and Lena grabs a towel to help the blonde dry herself while Lena does the same with herself.

Lena hears her sobbing quietly and goes to her to ask her what’s wrong, but she just finds eager lips that quickly catch her own with a kiss that’s passionate and that does unexplainable things to her, because now she wants to make this woman hers and never let her go back to whatever hellhole she’s forced to go back to every morning.

The Kryptonian lets go of Lena and stares at her without any bit of doubt on her eyes. They’re still shiny because of the tears and Lena cleans the drops from her cheeks. Even though there’s sadness on her expression, there’s love there and Lena smiles because she knows she feels the same.

“Lena, can you please take me to bed?”

“What?

“I know you heard me, please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I am.”

So Lena doesn’t hesitate and she does as she pleads. It is amusing the fact that Lena’s taking the lead and she’s the one getting on top of her when they finally reach the bed, considering the fact that she’s infinitely stronger than her, but there’s something about the act of her giving herself completely that makes Lena want to shout to the world that she’s hers, and perhaps yell at Lex for ever trying to break this precious being.

It doesn’t matter that the droplets of water that are still on their bodies wet the sheets. Lena simply does not care, she can only wrap her mind over the fact that she’s right there, beneath her. The moonlight casts a soft light on top of her and makes her look more ethereal, so Lena kisses her slowly, while feeling her breasts pressed up together and the blonde’s hands caressing her back softly with her fingers.

The sensation that produces on Lena’s skin is the perfect mixture of excitement and fear. Every trace of her fingers sends a shiver down Lena’s spine that gives her goosebumps while, at the same time, she feels her skin catching fire wherever she touches. Her kisses become more demanding, more insistent and the woman grabs Lena’s hair while kissing her with fervour, not giving Lena any other choice than to deepen the kiss and quicken the movement of her mouth, feeling the brush of her tongue and the softness of her face when she holds her.

Lena manages to catch every tiny moan that leaves the woman’s body and she doesn’t stop until she feels the urgent need to breathe. Something that the alien doesn’t really need that much. Lena lets her fingers skim along her shoulders and down her chest, focusing on teasing her with caresses while she starts giving her open-mouthed kisses on her neck. Her nipples harden under Lena’s touch and she shivers beneath her, as soon as Lena looks at her. Red’s face is a poem. She has that look of nervousness for not knowing what to expect but her eyes are also shining with the knowledge and anticipation that something is about to happen.

When Lena flicks her tongue and takes one of them into her mouth. The Russian can’t help but loudly moan and she immediately takes her hand up to cover her mouth, but, as soon as Lena feels her, she makes sure to grab it on her own and pull it down.

“I want to hear you”

Her reassuring words clearly work, when she feels the girl threading her fingers in the brunette’s hair and making her come closer. The woman’s smell and the perfume so distinctively hers surround Lena completely, something that had never caused something for her now make her want to explore more and get closer. Lena wants to delight herself in the girl’s body, so her tongue doesn’t waste more time and starts exploring her, flicking her nipple and taking it lightly between her teeth to add another sensation and hear a moan come out of a mouth, that Lena, who’s so lost in the moment can’t figure out if it’s hers or not.  

Red’s skin gets hotter by the second and Lena can feel it on the change of temperature on her lips. She just groans and enjoys the sounds the Kryptonian is letting go of, feeling pride on being the one causing her this pleasure. She feels the urge to touch and grab, so she doesn’t stop her trail of kisses and goes to squeeze her breast and the loud cry she hears gives her enough reassurance to go and explore a little lower.

She opens her hands to take as much skin as she can while going down. Grabbing her waist, her hips and tracing her tongue all the way from beneath her breasts until she reaches her bellybutton and gives it a tiny peck. It makes them both smile. She knows that the strength she’s using would probably hurt any other woman, but she also knows that this is exactly what is needed because, after all, the girl sharing her bed is not _human._

She stops for a second to take in the sight of all of the woman’s body. Her round breasts topped by her pink nipples, still hard for the kisses Lena had just given her. A beautiful waist and a toned stomach that, even though looked hard, she had just discovered how soft it really was. She lowers her eyes and sees her hips, decorated with a tiny freckle right on top of her left hipbone and while she is contemplating her, Lena catches a swift motion.

She opens her legs a little bit more. Unnoticeable if someone weren’t focusing specially on her thighs, but Lena sees her and stares at her in awe. So she gets closer and goes down, stopping in front of there. The blonde curls and her soft lips seemingly inviting Lena to taste, but she wants to wait. She wants the blonde woman to really want it, to draw her in, to not let her go, so instead she chooses to trace her fingers up and down her legs, watching the little hairs on her thighs stand up for the sensation.

She leaves tiny kisses on her thighs, all the way down to her knees before coming up and stopping near her destination, giving a teasing lick right in the end of her thigh. She can smell her and she sees how desperately she needs her, but she had committed to the task that this wasn’t Lena’s night, it was Red’s.

She does everything one more time on the other thigh. Her fingers trembling because of the anticipation of touching her lover where she needs it the most, but this time, when her kisses get progressively closer, she bucks her hips. The only confirmation Lena needs to continue her ministrations.

So she doesn’t think twice. Lena had proven herself incapable of denying her anything. She gets her face closer until there’s no place between them and licks. She doesn’t know if her being an alien has to do with it but it’s like nothing Lena has ever tasted, so she does the movement again while feeling the irregular buck of the woman’s hips near her face. She doesn’t know which rhythm to keep, and Lena mentally smiles because of her inexperience, so she puts one arm over her pelvis to keep her in place while the other hand finds its way between her folds and she suddenly feels her entirely.

The warmness surrounds her, her beautiful voice fills her ears and Lena starts a motion that makes the woman moan loudly and take her hands up her breasts to caress them. Lena knows that she probably doesn’t know why she’s doing it, but she does it because she feels the urge to do so. She keeps up her rhythm while flicking her tongue skilfully over her hard nub and, although the alien seems to have no idea about what to do with all the sensations and her cries become more desperate and insistent, Lena doesn’t stop.

She doesn’t stop until she feels her walls tightening, she doesn’t stop until she feels her disarming on her mouth, and she doesn’t stop until she feels the beat of her heart on the tip of her fingers and smiles. Even then, she can’t get enough of her, so she just climbs up without taking her fingers out and kisses her with all the passion she feels. She kisses her like there is no tomorrow and, if the woman’s tears are the indicator of something, for some reason she feels like this is their goodbye.

She tries not to think about it while getting lost on the way her mouth moves against hers, and when she feels the Kryptonian’s hand go down her belly and near her pelvis, Lena stops her. She doesn’t want Red to focus on anyone but herself and all the things she might be feeling, so instead, Lena takes her hand to her mouth and kisses every one of her fingers while taking her own out of the woman’s body slowly and hearing her sigh because of the sudden loss.

Snowbird uses her strength to change positions until they’re sideways and she gives Lena tiny pecks all over her face. Focusing on her cheeks and her lips. Her tears spilling, and Lena sees them, but she chooses not to say anything, and focuses on enjoying the moment they’re both sharing.

“I’m— ”

Lena starts but the Russian interrupts her.

“Shh. Don’t. Just let me take on every detail of this moment, please.”

Lena feels the caresses on her hair and she closes her eyes while enjoying the feeling entirely. She feels some tears wet her face and hears Snowbird’s voice. The voice she has taught how to speak, that mouth that she has taught how to kiss and the heart that she has taught how to love.

“I’m going to miss you too.”

Lena simply nods and breaks down crying after that. For the first time, she’s the one that sobs and the blonde comforts her while singing to her the lullaby Lena told her her mother sang to her and Béirín when little. She smiles because of the irony. This time she feels like the little girl.

Her eyelids feel heavy because of the tears and Lena feels her mind slowly drifting to sleep. She fights it, not knowing if Snowbird is going to be there with her in the morning but she loses the battle right after hearing an “I love you, Lena Luthor” and the ghost of a pair of lips on her forehead, branding the words on her skin forever.

 

Lena is right when she wakes up the very next day. The woman that had been her company for months long gone. She quickly walks through the apartment desperately trying to find something that proves her that she was indeed there, but she finds nothing. She gives up and goes to the bathroom, only to find a fluffy teddy bear waiting for her in the tub, with a letter resting on his arms. She takes it and takes Béirín out, bringing him with her to the couch and turning on the TV to calm down a little bit before reading.

There are only two things on the screen of every single news channel. The first one is the explosion of a military facility on Russia and the second one is the surprising discovery of Lex Luthor’s body, a body that was supposed to be in prison, in said place. She takes her phone on her hands and the dozens of missed calls prove the news to be right, so she just turns everything off and goes back to her room after cancelling everything on L-Corp for a week. She doesn’t need more confirmation than what she sees, so she decides to take the letter and Béirín and put them together on a new box that’s going to be deep down her closet. Next to her mother’s box, where her happiest memories are.

 

Months go by and Lena’s life feels the same, with the difference that now she and her best friend seem to be heading into a different direction, stealing glances and sharing kisses when nobody’s around. Kara has always been the most important part of her life since she arrived, the only moment where she was left behind for a while where the six months she had with Snowbird, but still Lena knows that loving one was directly loving the other. She knows it when Alex tells them that she found Black Kryptonite on the place of the explosion and she confirms it when Kara tells her that someone that looked just like her was also found there.

Hours of reading the old books of Krypton giving them all the knowledge about the black rock that splits Kryptonians in two. Lena fakes her surprise and decides not to tell anyone about how well she knew the alien. She had promised that’d be their secret and when Lena asks Kara if it seemed that the other her was hurt, she just said that she looked as peaceful as someone that was enjoying a good sleep after hours of being awake. So Lena smiles that day and keeps on smiling until the very next day.

She doesn’t know what goes through her one night after sharing dinner with Kara. She retrieves the letter of the box and goes out her bedroom’s balcony to read it for the first time. She sees Kara go to her room as well and she plumps on the bed with a book on her hands, too distracted to check on Lena, and the brunette gets all the courage she can and decides to open the letter to finally read what Snowbird had wanted to say.

_“Privet, Lena Luthor!_

_I hope you slept fine. I promised I tried to sleep but you looked so calm and beautiful it was almost impossible to look away. Trust me, I almost stayed there forever._

_I should begin telling you my story, but it seems that you know more about me than anyone else, and the best part of my quick story was created while I was with you._

_I don’t know how much time I’ve been alive. I think that less than a year and even though I know I once was Kara Danvers, I have no idea why I separated from her and why I woke up without any knowledge. I could only pronounce two names; one of them was yours, the other was Alex’s._

_I believed for a while that Alex was a bald man with a Luthor last name, he made me think that and he also talked to me about his evil sister Lena. The sister I kept dreaming about of, a distorted face in my head whenever I went to sleep._

_Her and Supergirl needed to die, he said. And, for a moment, I trusted him, but I wanted to look for answers and that’s why I arrived on your couch one day, sobbing with sadness, not knowing how to speak properly and looking to finally give a face to the name I kept pronouncing._

_I wasn’t disappointed. You truly are the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. And my constant sadness throughout the days was because of the fact that someday I’d have to do something horrible to the most intelligent, caring and loving woman, and her friend. Because apparently they were evil and I needed to be good._

_Your brother said he loved me and that’s why he trained me hard, and sometimes beat me. But I know what love feels like. You made sure I did. Love feels like coming to you after a rough day and eating biscuits. Love feels like your voice guiding me through the most beautiful book. Love feels like your kisses that taste like tea, and milk, and honey. Love is like when you braided my hair while sparing your time to teach me how to speak, only so I can finally learn the words to tell you I love you as much as you do._

_I had given up and just told myself I would do the wrong thing and spare you and my “sister” from everything, because I could never hurt you. I could never hurt anyone, but then we talked and you told me about your family and you showed me Lex, the true Alex and who he was. And I needed to do something, Lena. He would never leave you alone, so I confronted him and I got beaten up pretty badly and I came home to you and you kissed every one of my bruises and you showed me what love can feel on my body. And even if death finds me some hours after writing you this letter, I want to let you know you already made me live._

_I’m going there now and I’m going to put an end to this. I’ll go knowing how much you love me and I hope I made you realize how much I love you too. Did you know Kara also loves you? I read it on her diary! But don’t tell her, I don’t want her to be mad with you. Perhaps that’s why I kept reciting your name daily. I was Kara Danvers before, and I’m not sure if after this I will be her again. But if you can’t find me in her, remember you can always look up at the sky._

_In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted, you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend._

_Give Béirín a hug for me._

_With love, Snowbird.”_

The paper is wet with tears but she smiles. The quote of The Little Prince making her relieve those months in a second, reminding her about her very own favourite _“I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.”_ , although, this time, the words she reads actually say everything she needs to know.

She feels Kara moving on her bed and changing her position while reading. She thinks about Snowbird’s words and the fact that maybe, in Kara, there’s still something left of Snowbird’s being, of her newest memories. She looks at her through the corner of her eye and sees her, before Kara makes eye contact with her and she gets lost in the pool of blue.

She’s waiting for Kara’s amused “what, woman?” or for her to blow her a kiss, but Kara remains silent and Lena focuses on the tiny bird that adorns the shirt she asked her to buy for her three days ago. Realization dawns on Lena and she looks up, fast enough to see Kara smirk and go back to her book. Not daring to damage the moment with lousy words that can be misinterpreted and have no place in that very instant.

So Lena smiles instead of answering, looking up to the starry night. Maybe it’s her mind or her heart, but she will die swearing that, on that very same moment, she stared at the night and she could suddenly hear her laughter in every one of the stars.

 


	2. Snowbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I have finished this 14k gigantic update. Oh my God, I sincerely hope the wait was worthy. I cannot express the happiness it made me feel reading each one of your comments, I cried and smiled because of them.
> 
> This is Snowbird's PoV and I wish you get through it enjoying it as you enjoyed the first one. Thanks for reading!

When Red sees her for the first time, it seems like Lena has had a rough day. She has been keeping her distance, but she seems closer every day to finally risking herself to get to meet the intriguing woman.

Lena takes off her heels and lets out a pleased sigh, immediately heading for the kitchen and serving herself a glass of what Red guesses is alcohol. She has seen Alex’s men drinking before, but they drink a white liquid called Vodka, while only Alex and the big guys get to sip on the yellow beverage Lena is having.

She seems far less intimidating than what Alex told her she is and, even if she doesn’t want to, she feels drawn to her. Her head still hurts a little bit after using her heat vision all day for Alex, but she keeps on wondering. Trying to understand the woman’s actions, trying to figure out where’s the evil that Alex insists is hidden inside of her. Red flies away, promising next time she will talk to her and find out the truth about Lena Luthor.

 

Mikhail’s gone, she’s informed. Her little partner in crime goes away, and Alex tells her it’s the Americans.  It’s 7 pm when it happens. Her throat already dried out because of her screams and her eyes burning because of all the tears she has been letting out.

“Was it Lena? Lena Luthor?”

“No. This wasn’t L-Corp _, Kaznia._ This was the DEO, Kara Danvers place. Your sister did this with her people. _”_

The code name she has been given still sounds weird on her ears and the sorrow she feels doesn’t let her ask more questions. She feels exhausted and broken, so she only nods and keeps on crying silent tears that keep her company for a few hours.

She thanks Rao that Alex loves her. Sometimes he gets mad at her, and sometimes he does hit her but he protects her from the Americans, and she wishes she’s able to do the same for him and all Kaznians when she’s ready. This is her mission, that’s why she had woken up after the accident calling his name.

She grabs _“The Great Gatsby”_ on her hands and starts reading it, but the book that makes her smile all the other days is not enough to mitigate the pain she’s suffering. She should be enraged she figures, but she doesn’t want to fight. She has never wanted to do so, so her cries represent her frustration more than her sadness. Could she make them understand?

Perhaps, if she talked to Lena Luthor she could. The woman is the smartest one around. She could ask Lena why she’s evil and why does she help Supergirl with her suit if she wants to destroy Kaznians— people that have never wrong them.

Alex told her Lena is a businesswoman, and when Red reads about this kind of people she knows they talk and negotiate. Like Jay Gatsby!

She sighs.

Maybe if she hadn’t been a coward and had approached her before, Lena could have talked to Kara to stop the attack. Red could have made a deal for Mikhail and Kaznians. That’d be good for her, she wouldn’t mind dying if it means that she doesn’t have to kill anyone.

Or perhaps— perhaps what she needs is to stop them both once and for all. If she killed them and it meant no one else would die, she would be making the right decision— wouldn’t she? She could finally see a bright world, and not hide anymore and—

She sobs.

The mental toll on her is getting stronger because she has never produced a sound like this before. Not even when she’s being punished or when she gets hurt while training. She’s supposed to be strong so she wipes her tears again, and again, and again but they don’t stop flowing.

Maybe if she gets to know her. If she meets the true Lena Luthor, she won’t pity her death anymore. If she sees her evilness, she won’t have this fight within herself.

She gathers herself up, sobbing quietly this time. She has played hide and seek so many times before with herself, imagining the guards are looking for her and remembering their routes while checking the facility that sneaking away becomes one of the easiest things she can do there.

So she goes. And she flies, and suddenly the wind can’t stop her, and Mikhail smiles and she’s about to find the truth.

 

When she arrives at Lena’s apartment, she can see the woman sleeping in her bedroom. She doesn’t feel the tears on her face anymore, because of the wind wiping them away as soon as they appear. She still breathes raggedly and she has a hard time focusing but, as soon as she lands on the balcony, she focuses on Lena’s heartbeat and the peaceful rhythm sways her away from her thoughts, her breathing naturally matches the beat and she calms down a little bit.

She looks around curiously and starts walking around the living room. It is not what she had in mind. She wanted to face Lena, but getting to see her apartment this close is also a way to know her true self.

She stops focusing on Lena’s heartbeat and decides to let her sleep. She can sneak in another day and she can use this opportunity to check on everything else she needs to try to work out Lena’s mind. Find something redeemable.

She thanks the moonlight for illuminating exactly everything she needs to see. The luxurious stuff is noticeable from the outside, but, even though she has spent nights watching everything, seeing them this close is different.

Everything is just like Alex told her.

Selfishness is shown in everything, just like Alex taught her because there are poor people that don’t have any.

Greed is also there, just like Alex had said because the things seem untouched, like she only buys them because she wants, and not because she needs them.

Mikhail had to be cold each night and Lena was sleeping so warm, on top of the money she had gathered. And—

Red cries. She cries and fades away into her misery again because she knows— she knows that Alex is right. She sits on the couch holding her knees to her chest because, even though she’s not ready, she’s seeing everything Alex told her she’d find.

And therefore, she would have to do it someday.

The moonlight bothers her now, illuminating her while she wants to sink in the darkness of the night because she doesn’t understand. How can someone be evil? How can someone sleep like this when Kaznians were starving? She thanks Rao that Alex loves her, again, she would have never seen the truth otherwise, but the truth is condemning her as well. She’s damned to take action on her own hands and Lena… Red doesn’t want to do it.

She just whimpers and reminisces on the good times she and Mikhail had spent together. When he was alive.

She doesn’t have time to keep on thinking when she snaps up and sees Lena staring at her. Her eyes seem curious, emerald green staring back. She had never seen her this close. She doesn’t seem scared but she looks confused, maybe more confused than Red is.

Is she going to fight? Is she going to call Supergirl? Red is not strong enough to fight anyone so she pleads with her eyes, hoping that Lena doesn’t do anything that might compromise her. Red is expectant, waiting carefully so she starts studying every other aspect of her body. Her hands seem relaxed, her posture seems cautious but not menacing and when she looks up again and sees the pools of green, glossy because of the sleep and the curious expression, she breaks again, looking down hurriedly.

Red holds her knees up again and buries her face, crying. The sobbing increasing and her breathing becoming irregular again. She doesn’t stop when she feels a pair of arms securing around her, she doesn’t stop when she instinctively grabs Lena’s hands to keep herself grounded and when she does stop she sees that is almost dawn, that they both had fallen asleep and that Lena Luthor never stopped holding her throughout the night.

 

She can’t stop thinking about the encounter. She had seen Lena before that night, many times when debating if she should go inside or not, but that had been the first time that Lena had seen her. She is scared.

Scared because she didn’t say anything and maybe Lena would tell Supergirl about her. The following nights become a mess for the blonde. The anxiousness killing her. She spends every day fearing the moment when Alex goes to her room and beats her up for blowing her cover. For exposing herself.

She allowed Lena Luthor the opportunity to end everything. She had compromised it all. But when 4 days pass without any inconvenient, she is sure that, for some reason, Lena Luthor hasn’t said a word.

Supergirl has the power to destroy them right then and there if she wants, so, if she had the information— wouldn’t she act? Wouldn’t Alex know by now? Red plays with her fingers and hums a song trying to calm herself and wait for the moment where the night shift starts and she’s allowed to stay in her room all night. She needs to go back and ask Lena.

She starts crying nervously again. Would she have to kill her today? Was she waiting for her? She decides to fly as soon as the buzzer for the night shift starts and not stop until she’s inside Lena’s apartment. If she waits outside, she might change her mind and she can’t do that anymore. She needs to figure everything quickly, instead of losing time that could be precious for her and Alex.

When the buzzer rings, Red feels it as the gunshot heard before a race. She knows how to escape gracefully without being noticed so she flies out of Kaznia in seconds and races the birds in the sky to get to National City. She counts the ways she can speak to Lena, the possible things that can happen. How to escape, and fight and—

She suddenly stops when she feels the warmth of the walls surrounding her and the smell of herbs in the place. She gets startled because Lena is calmly sitting on the couch she slept in some nights before and she’s seeing her with curiosity once again.

What is she doing?

The blonde doesn’t flinch and stays still. Hesitant of Lena’s actions but, when the brunette grabs something on the table and extends her hand, Red reaches for her as well, quickly. Mentally cursing herself for reacting that naturally to her enemy.

Was Lena expecting her?

Her fingers get to a warm piece of ceramic and she holds the mug near her. Not knowing if she should drink the liquid in one-go or wait for Lena to drink her own. The woman moves softly and extends a blanket over her shoulders, creating a space next to her and patting softly on the couch.

The Kryptonian holds the cup with both of her hands, careful not to break it but with enough force to give her a sense of reality— to prove her that this is really happening, before sitting down next to Lena and feeling the soft fabric cover her back. Snuggling them together, like they are friends.

The smell of lemon fills her nostrils and when the sugar coats her mouth with the strong taste of black tea, Red closes her eyes and delights herself in the treat. Something she had only been given when she visited Mikhail. It brings her back to good days with the kid. Playing in the forest, scoring with the deflated soccer ball with an improvised goal marked by two rocks and Mikhail’s parents as the audience.

She goes back to the first warm beverage she tried when she was rescued and everyone treated her so nicely. Before she was looked at with fear by some people. Before Alex revealed her mission, and everything makes her emotional again. So she cries as soon as she finishes her tea, and she knows she should be facing Lena, but she can only whimper.

The taste of her salty tears covering her lips and washing away the sweet lemon taste that she had enjoyed a few seconds ago. And Lena’s hands on her face, forcing her head to lean on her shoulder softly—

And who’s this woman now that makes her feel so safe?

She doesn’t know.

Had Alex mentioned something like this as a tactic?

She doesn’t remember.

She hears Lena quietly shushing her and caressing her hair. Something no one had ever done for her. The fingers on her scalp and the tenderest voice cloud her mind.

She falls asleep again.

 

 

The third time Red sees her, she decides she’s going to let Lena take the initiative this time, again. The blonde seems drawn to her, so she guesses it’s easier for her to just follow the lead. Lena has shown no signs of hating her, she hasn’t opened her mouth about her visits, so Red trusts her. At least enough to be calm around her.

This time, Lena seems more eager. She lets Red sit on the couch, as usual, and she grabs her knees and puts them to her chest as soon as she sits. But Lena, normally calmed down and patient, is fidgeting her fingers and when Red counts 20 seconds since she sat down, the brunette gets up and sits across from her, on top of the tiny table.

Lena is bolder this time when Red doesn’t look up to see her, because she grabs the woman’s face, with so much delicacy that the blonde gets startled and looks up without Lena using any force. Before doing anything else, Lena gets the loose gold strands of hair behind Red’s ears and now the Kryptonian can finally look at her.

She realizes that, although she has been twice to Lena’s apartment, she wouldn’t be able to distinguish Lena in a crowd because she has never spared her time to detail the brunette’s face. She has been focused on her apartment, on Lena’s actions and the security she provides her that she hasn’t taken the time to study her features.

When she stares at her, she sees Lena focused on the scar she has near her eyebrow and when she looks down and sees Red staring, Lena smiles at her.

Dumbfounded is the word? She doesn’t know. She feels little under Lena’s stare. She feels weak under her smile, because, the truth is, she has never seen someone that pretty. The green eyes squint because of the smile but still, the bright green is noticeable while the thick eyebrows create the most amazing contrast, dividing the Kryptonite in her eyes and the whiteness of her skin.

She feels hypnotized.

The blush on Lena’s cheeks adorning her face, making Red feel shy all of the sudden. There’s something in Lena that reflects on the blonde, like she’s seeing herself on the other woman, recognizing herself. She has seen that before. Something in the way she acts, in the way her eyes shine with curiosity and eagerness, something so calm. She—

She looks at her like Mikhail used to.

Marvelled.

Lena holds her tighter with both hands and the blonde sees her mouth move while listening to a whisper that carries a voice she’d listen forever. Full of life, even though is quiet, and filled with a texture that she can imagine touching. She doesn’t understand the language, softer than the usual Russian she uses to communicate.

After three encounters, these are the first words spoken between them.

And Red smiles without intending to.

Lena responds with the same amusement, with a smile so sweet that borderlines in adoration. She feels weird but when she hears the same sounds said before leave her mouth, she just stares at her dreamily without being able to stop smiling.

She sees Lena backing up a little bit and pointing at herself before speaking. She can hear _“Lena”_ along with the words and then she hears the same words she had said before while she pokes on her grey jacket, right on her chest.

Oh, she’s asking for her name.

She said Lena, so she’s waiting for her name.

_“Krasnyj Doch”_

Red speaks rapidly and when she gets a confused look, she gets a sting of sadness. Lena doesn’t understand, and she can’t understand Lena. She feels stupid, how was she expecting to talk to Lena if she hasn’t learned English? The brunette stands up and looks for something near the bookshelf, coming back with paper and a pencil.

The blonde takes them from Lena’s hands. The symbols she has grown used to writing come smoothly and she writes the name Alex has given her.

“English?”

She understands that word. Lena is asking her if she speaks English, but she shakes her head no. Disappointed.

Lena gets up again and runs towards her room, and when she hears a box landing on the floor, Red gets up and follows her, finding Lena sitting down on the carpet and opening the big box that, judging by the dust, has been hidden in her closet for quite a while. Lena starts retrieving each stuff and a Red tries her best to look at everything from the place she is but something catches her attention and she slowly crawls to where Lena left it.

It’s a bear.

A teddy bear and the blonde can’t control the impulse of carrying it and putting it on her lap. The faux fur feels soft in her palms and she holds it up, pressing it on her cheek and moving it softly. The sensation makes her smile.

She grabs the teddy again and lays it on her thigh, caressing its face lightly and seeing his big brown eyes.

“— _bear”_

Red recognizes one word and looks up when she notices Lena speaking to her. Bear, like the animal. Lena crawls towards her until she gets in front of her. She grabs the blonde’s hands and pushes them to her chest, trapping the teddy in Red’s arms so she can give it a hug.

The blonde doesn’t resist and hugs it tighter, burying her face on his head and laughing freely because of the tickles on her skin. This is the first time she has laughed since forever.

Lena taps her chin lightly so Red looks up and sees the brunette pointing at herself _“Lena”,_ she says, before pointing at the teddy and saying “ _Béirín”._

The blonde figures Lena is telling her its name. A boy’s name, she thinks, and she tries to pronounce it back.

“Bear-ing?”

Lena laughs and even though Red knows she’s laughing at her, she knows she’s not doing it maliciously. She even feels proud for making Lena laugh, so she joins her laughter and giggles.

_“Béi-rín”_

Lena repeats and Red follows her with a _“Béirín”_ that sounds rougher than Lena’s but is pronounced the way she should have said it the first time. They both smile at each other, and Lena shows her a book.

“ _English”_ she says and the blonde gives her all her attention. Deciding it’s polite that the bear listens as well, she changes his position so he can also see the book Lena’s showing them. The Luthor sits next to her, resting her back on the bed and showing her images of colours.

“ _These are the colours”_ Red can see Lena’s finger sliding beneath a word that matches the way she’s pronouncing the last sound. C-o-l-o-u-r-s. Colours, she mentally repeats and when Lena nods, she realizes she said it loudly.

The Kaznian stares at the pictures until she recognizes the colour red. The one that identifies her back home. So she points at it, catching Lena’s attention and says “ _Krasnyj”_.

Lena follows her with a _“red_ ” that the blonde repeats, but then she says “ _Krasnyj_ ” again and points to the image again until she hears Lena repeating the word with such a funny Russian accent that the girl laughs.

The moonlight makes a tiny gold frame shine that makes Red divert her attention towards it. She grabs it in her hands, leaving the book behind with Béirín. She sees a blonde green-eyed woman that looks just like Lena, carrying a little girl. They’re both smiling, and the girl is showing four fingers to the camera. A cake with pink frosting is on the table and she can read a name written on it.

 _“Le-na”_ She mutters.

She feels Lena nearing her. She points at the woman and says _“Mother”_ and then points at the little girl, the one she now knows is her, and says _“Daughter”._

Mother and daughter.

_Daughter. Doch._

_“Krasnyj”_ Red says. She goes quickly towards the book and opens the page with all the colours again. Pointing first at the red crayon and then to Lena’s face in the picture.

“Red” she starts and when her finger lands on Lena’s face she finishes “Daughter.”

“Red Daughter?”

“I” She nods.

“You are Red Daughter?” Lena says with an intrigued look.

Red smiles and nods, grabbing Béirin in her arms again. Softly grazing her fingers on the picture, following the lines there. Whispering the words she just learned so she doesn’t forget them _“Red Daughter, I. Lena.”_

“Yes, Lena and Red Daughter. I’m Lena. You’re Red.”

“Me.” She nods “Red Daughter.”

She senses a tiny bit of discomfort from Lena, but the brunette doesn’t say a thing about it and encourages the blonde to continue with the book. New words and repetitions fill the room and Red has never been more excited to learn something new.

She’s speaking in English. She’s finally speaking in English and Lena is helping her with it, and she doesn’t realize where the time goes. She doesn’t cry that night, not even before falling asleep. On the room floor, surrounded with what she doesn’t know are Lena’s happiest memories, next to a fluffy Béirín, that guards them throughout the night.

 

Red knows that she can get in trouble if she gets caught but the feeling of wanting to see Lena again gets the best of her each night. She starts escaping daily and getting to Lena’s place in seconds, always after the night shift starts and it becomes the happiest moment of her routine. The safe place after a rough day of training.

She should feel guilty for betraying her people, but she can’t stop. She doesn’t want to stop. She becomes Lena’s company. The brunette doesn’t wrinkle her face anymore when she says her name, she waits for her with chocolate biscuits and now, when she makes her tea, Red asks her to not add lemon and instead pour some milk and honey to sweeten the beverage.

She can’t stop repeating the name “ _Lena”._ Feeling the way it rolls on her tongue and smiling every time the brunette looks towards her when she says it. Perhaps it is not the name she likes that much, but the reaction it causes.

An evening, while leaning on the couch, Red can’t remember who was the one that sat on the remote and the TV turned on suddenly. Filling the place with light and loud static that makes Red cover her ears and go into panic mode for a second while Lena tries to lower the volume, to not bother the blonde’s oversensitive ear.

When the situation is under control and the blonde feels it is safe to open her eyes again, she focuses on the sharp images the artefact is showing. Birds are on the screen, humming beautiful melodies and the trees look as green as the ones she has back home. The blonde gets closer and puts her hands on the screen. It is just like staring out the window.

Because of that, Lena finds it clever to add the TV to their classes. Sometimes they both sit together, while Lena teaches her stuff and braids the Kryptonians hair. On other occasions, Red zaps through the channels until she gets to a channel that shows her animals and gets lost in the moment.

She’s especially mesmerized by birds. The songs they sing. The way they fly. And, without noticing, every time that Red sees a bird on the TV she tries mimicking the melodies with her whistles. That’s until Lena catches her and the blonde is so embarrassed, she blushes, but Lena is different than the people back home so, instead of saying something bad, she smiles and encourages to go on and show her the songs.

Next time she goes to Kaznia, she carries a secret stash of papers and books that Lena buys for her. She reads about birds, learns their names, their species, their colours, their habitats. She goes back to Lena and recites her everything she has learned, she explains to her the documentaries that the brunette got her and, before she can call herself bilingual, she already knows almost everything there is to know about those beautiful creatures.

She grows attached to them. She feels identified with them and, when Lena calls her Red, she no longer feels as comfortable as before.

She wants to be a bird.

She wishes she was as carefree as one and she dreams about being able to sing all day, without anyone telling her no. Waking up Mikhail in the mornings with her melodies, brightening up someone’s day with her tweeting, and roaming free through the skies until she gets to her nest.

“Snowbird” She blurts out one day, nervously playing with her fingers. Ashamed to look up at Lena and find her laughing at her.

“What?”

“Snowbird” She repeats strongly this time, staring straight into Lena’s eyes. “Me”.

“You want that as your name?”

The Kaznian nods feeling her cheeks flushing and the ponytail Lena made her bobbing with her movement. She sees Lena smiles at her and she smiles back, sharing her happiness. Glad that Lena thinks the same as her. She extends her hand and grabs her own, shaking it.

“Nice to meet you, Snowbird. I’m Lena.”

“Hi, Lena.”

Snowbird focuses on her eyes. Knowing that behind them, maybe there’s something hidden she still hasn’t figured out. She doesn’t want to leave, ever. But, when she has to, Lena goes with her to the balcony and waits for her to fly away and get out of her sight to close the balcony doors.

The roofs below her are full of snow and she can see her shadow go past them. The moonlight following her home. She feels free, just like birds are. And she thinks of Lena while flying, but this time it’s just both of them. Flying around National City and getting to a wooden cottage back in Kaznia. Where they could sit around a fireplace, and she could turn into a little bird and wake Lena up with her singing, and brighten her day with her tweeting, and roam free across the sky before getting to a nest.

Without missions, and betrayals, and lies— without evil in her world.

 

The days in Kaznia become monotonous. What once were 24 hours of discipline, boredom, and orders become hours of being away from Lena. She mentally smiles when she hears people talking English around her, not knowing she has been learning. She counts the birds she sees when she goes out and remembers to tell Lena when she gets there afterward.

What were once eyes filled with tears and sadness, now become eyes of happiness and emotions when she sees her friend. She excels every test so Alex gives her more liberty and now she doesn’t need to worry about being caught that much. She no longer sits down on the couch, she no longer is shy around the brunette, and she now jumps to Lena’s arms daily embracing her tightly.

“I missed you, Lena.” She says one night when she arrives early after the guards go home to their families for the night.

Her English becomes better every day that passes and now she doesn’t need to freeze to try to figure out what to say. Her accent is still there, but the words flow naturally from her mouth now, non-stop. Now Lena asks questions and Snowbird happily answers. Learning becomes more fun and interesting. She falls for Lena one more time.

“I missed you too, Snowbird.” Lena laughs when Snowbird lets go of her and walks to grab her second most favourite part in Lena’s place. She grabs the fluffy bear and hugs him tightly. “And I’m sure Béirín also missed your hugs.”

“What are you carrying there?”

Snowbird looks down, taking the books and giving them to Lena.

“Books. They’re books for you to read.”

“Huh. Interesting. Thank you!”

“This is one by Sun Tzu, _The art of war.”_ Snowbird says “and this is _The Prince,_ by Maquiavelo.”

“I didn’t think you’d like these. Didn’t strike me as your type of literature.” Lena smiles and grabs them to save them in the bookshelf.

“Can you give me more books that you think I will like?”

Lena nods happily. Excited to share one of her greatest passions with Snowbird, so she brings out _The Little Prince_ and _Gatsby_ for her to read.

Snowbird discards Gatsby, having read it millions of times before, but the other catches her attention when she sees the drawing of a little boy on the cover. She sits down and opens it up, realizing there are more drawings inside, full of life and colours. Lena sits down next to her and Snowbird gathers the courage to ask her: “Would you read for me?”

Lena chuckles lightly for her request.

“Won’t you get tired of listening to me?”

Snowbird takes her question seriously but gives away her answer fast, with all of the certainty, she can convey.

“Never.”

Snowbird lays her head on Lena’s lap and makes herself comfortable while listening to Lena’s voice carry her through the story. She’s delighted by the reading, Lena’s voice making the experience so much better than hiding in one corner of her room, listening to her own voice inside her mind.

She immerses herself in the tiny prince’s story and his beautiful rose. She can’t help but imagine Lena waiting for her in another planet, covered in a glass that protects her from all wrong. While Snowbird flies from planet to planet, learning and loving her rose. She weeps peacefully after the story, and without opening her eyes, she asks for one more thing:

“Would you read to me again the part of the stars?”

She feels Lena’s fingers caressing her hair and her voice fill the room one more time. Reading the passage that sticks with her

_“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travellers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent._

_You alone will have stars as no one else has them. In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted, you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend.”_

She smiles from cheek to cheek, squinting her eyes and wiping her tears. She has never heard anything more beautiful than that. Alex had bought her tons of books in Russian about Marx, and Lenin, and the Romanovs and the Bolsheviks, and about all these political theories and philosophy; that she hadn’t allowed herself to dream about the things that didn’t exist.

About a place where stars could comfort sorrows, where they were guides. A planet where she and Lena could be friends. But real friends. And they could rejoice beneath a starry night filled with laughing stars.

“That’s more beautiful than all the other books.”

“Is it?”

“It’s my favourite. Do you have a favourite part?”

“Yes. It used to be this one I’m reading to you, but now it has changed.”

“Read it to me.”

Snowbird waits patiently for Lena to get to her favourite part and then focuses on the words, trying to figure out why it would be her favourite.

_“I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.”_

“Why is it your favourite?”

“Sometimes when you talk too much, you might take away importance to some other things. Sometimes it is better to let your eyes talk or your heart, without adding words to it that might make everything worse. Some feelings are better expressed with actions, when words are useless.

When I met you, I didn’t feel fear. I felt calm and felt the need to comfort you. We met and didn’t know how to communicate, but we didn’t need words before. I was content with sharing a cup of tea and you were happy with me making you chocolate biscuits.”

“You didn’t need words to know they were my favourite.”

“No. I saw how your eyes lit up when you tried them the first time” Lena looks up and sees her again “and your eyes are very expressive, miss. They say everything I need to know.”

 

She feels the green eyes taking every layer of lousy thoughts she has been using to hide herself. She sees her. She truly sees Lena for the first time and she knows she’s right. Could it be that the truth has already been said while using actions instead of words? Has Lena been talking to her this entire time? She stares and she feels like the world is pulling her towards Lena. Like millions of strings are keeping her from moving away and tying her to a new centre.

Every second that passes, Snowbird starts seeing what she always wanted to see. There’s no way Lena’s evil. There’s no way the same green eyes that look at her like they could protect her from everything are the ones Alex condemns for bringing evil.

There’s not a chance that the mouth that has been kept shut to hold onto their secret can open to order killings.

There has to be something Alex is misinterpreting because Lena is confessing everything. Lena is sharing everything that makes her her through her eyes and Snowbird just takes in all of the information, and her body moves by itself.

She feels her lips connect and she closes her eyes as soon as she feels the sensation. Her whole being stops, her senses focus just in that tiny portion of her body and when Lena’s tongue caresses her own, softly, she tastes the sweetness of their favourite tea.

She senses Lena following the rhythm Snowbird sets, and she tries to move slow and experience everything she can. Knowing it has to come to an end. She has never done anything like this. She has never felt like this before and when she needs more, she lets herself go, letting Lena take the lead with a kiss that leaves her panting and finishes with a tiny peck and a shy smile.

She doesn’t know what to do and her body just ushers her to go home flying and fly with joy because of what has just happened. To fly and touch the sky, and then the ocean and then graze the leaves of the forest back home. But she stays and the scientist kisses her forehead, cuddling up to her on the couch, complying with Snowbird’s request of watching something before leaving.

Lena immediately chooses something that has birds on it. She knows how much Snowbird loves them and the hummingbirds on the screen quickly get her to smile. A news report interrupts the transmission and Snowbird sees Supergirl on the screen.

This is the first time she sees her sister in action, live. Snowbird gains interest when the news lady says something about an orphanage, and she opens her eyes when she thinks that the fire is being caused by her.

She wants to yell because Alex has warned her about her lack of remorse and the evilness that guides her actions but when she puts down the fire on the orphanage and the camera focuses on her face, she freezes and no longer concentrates on the birds when they appear again on the screen.

She hasn’t told Lena about her. She hasn’t said who she is, so she talks to her.

“Supergirl. My sister.”

Snowbird notices she sounds unsure and the truth is, she is unsure. All of the things she knows collapse for a while in her mind and she tries to make sense of what she has just seen.

“She’s your sister?” Lena sounds surprised by her words, maybe getting the answer about why they look so alike.

“Yes.”

“Do you know she’s my friend?” Snowbird shakes her head and Lena continues talking “And now you’re my friend too.”

 _Friend._ Were they friends? Had they been really enemies at the start? Why was Supergirl helping them?

Snowbird stares at Lena with intensity. Shocked by her words and then she shrugs and responds

“I’m your friend too. I think.”

“You think? Why aren’t you certain?”

She tries to think of an answer but quickly finds her lips shivering a little. She holds her knees to her chest seeking comfort. Holding Béirín close to her.

“Is Supergirl nice?”

“Don’t you know?” She shakes her head no again “She’s my best friend since she arrived here. Reminds me of you and not only because of her looks, but because she’s kind, sweet and she’s really funny.”

 _Kindness._ If Supergirl was kind, did that mean she was not? Had she learned the words incorrectly? But Lena would have told her. Lena was saying they were both kind, and funny, and sweet. Did that mean they were the same?

What was going on?

She trusts Lena. She learned Lena tells the truth, so she asks again. Careful with her choice of words.

“Is she really? As nice as you?”

It’s simpler that way. She knows Lena is nice, so she has something to compare and know what Lena means, and when she answers, she feels fear go through her.

“Way nicer.”

Guilt washes over her. Nervousness of going back home, fear of not knowing what she was facing. She was on the wrong side. She is on the wrong side and she knows it. She thought about sparing Lena from everything after finding out that she was good, but— this changed everything. There were so many things unanswered.

“Did you tell her about me?”

“No. I figured you wouldn’t want that for some reason.”

“Good.”

“Why?”

“She doesn’t know I’m alive. My friend doesn’t like her that much.”

“Which friend?”

She decides to go for it and just confess his name.

“Alex.”

“Why and how does she not know you’re alive?

She stiffs and shrugs her shoulders, dismissing Lena’s question, and Lena seems to know better than to ask.

“She has a sister named Alex. Which is funny because my brother Lex is also named Alex.”

“Lex?”

She furrows her brow. Does she have a brother named Alex, too? How many Alex’s were in her life?

“Yes. Would you like to know more about my family?”

Snowbird nods and follows Lena to her room again. She waits some minutes for Lena to get the paper she’s looking for and then hands it to Snowbird. The blonde grabs it and sees a grand room full of fancy decorations, a big green and white cake stands tall on the table and her name is written there. This time with her last name.

There are dozens of people surrounding her, but none are laughing. Not even Lena and her family. A family she notices is now different. A man holds a boy’s shoulder while carrying little Lena with his other arm, next to a woman that has a blank expression. None of them look happy. They look like liars. Pretending to like and love each other.

“Lillian, Lionel, Lex and me. That’s my adoptive family.” Snowbird cuddles up to Lena while she tells her story. “I came to this family when I was 5 after my mom died. My real mom, from the other picture.”

“You were happy.”

“I was, indeed. I tried to get used to this family. I really tried but it wasn’t the same, there was no love between them. Greed only and ambition, and ability to act as the perfect family.” Lena sighs and Snowbird senses the sadness in her voice. She knows the girl felt alone, she looks like she was screaming for help.

“Lex was the only one that looked after me for a while. He taught me how to play chess and he actually gave me those very same books you gave me today to read them. I used to want to be like him, so I tried my best to follow his footsteps” Snowbird nods while following Lena’s story “He was captivating because of how smart he was, but then… then he just wanted to brainwash me.”

“Brainwash you?” Snowbird frowns “What does that mean?”

“It means that someone tries to put their ideas in your head until you only believe what they tell you.”

“And he used to do that with you?”

“Yes. He said Superman was evil and that we should plan to kill him, but I knew better than that. I’m not a killer and Superman was good and kind and didn’t deserve what Lex planned for him. So when he realized I wasn’t following him, he abandoned me and tossed me aside, before losing his mind. He’s now in jail because of the atrocious acts he committed. Far from society as he should be.”

Because Lena is kind. And Lex didn’t love her. Because Lex couldn’t love. And Lex was Alex, because she had given her the same books and had also tried to brainwash her. And Lex had told her that he loved her, but beat her up almost daily.

And that wasn’t love. Because Lena loved her, and she would never hit her. She was one step away from murdering this woman that had shown her so much. She was almost ready to destroy Supergirl.

What had happened to Mikhail? Who had controlled the attack?  What lies had he been feeding her? Who was she? What was her purpose? How had she appeared in Kaznia? She can’t take it.

She sobs loudly and breaks down. She hugs Lena tightly and hides her face on her neck, not letting Lena see her face, holding her closer, and gripping her shirt.

“It’s ok. Calm down.”

It’s not.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She looks up and just keeps whimpering her apologies.

“Snowbird. How did you find me?”

Lena’s face finally shows the suspicion she should have had since the very first day, and Snowbird tugs her arm away going for the window.

“I have to go.”

She walks and when she hears Lena talking again she stops.

“Am I safe?”

She freezes because she feared that Lena would ever think this. Is she safe? Of course, as long as Snowbird is alive, so she furiously nods and looks at her. Without a bit of hesitation.

“Is Kara safe?”

“Yes. I promise.”

And she flies away. And Snowbird keeps on wondering if she has felt betrayal like this before.

 

 

There’s only one course of action she can take. Find the truth about her origin, but with Lena’s safety at bay, she cannot go straight towards Lex and ask him about everything. The long nights she has stayed awake and the long hours of boredom have given her the advantage she needs. She knows where the documents are hidden, she now understands English and she swears that no one will lie to her again.

So that night she leaves her room early and goes towards where she knows everything is. The files stare back at her and she sees everything.

The bomb that killed Mikhail. The lies they had been telling Kaznians. The memories of the day she appeared in the facility and she sees herself in one picture. Scared look on her face.

_“Female subject. Only communicates saying “Alex”. Doesn’t follow or understand commands. Uncommon strength.”_

_Alexander Luthor is called to learn more about her alien organism”_

Alexander Luthor. Lex. He had been the one to order the attacks.

Kara and Alex Danvers files are next. The blonde’s life as Supergirl, her connections with Lena and when Snowbird sees the short-haired agent, she suddenly gets one tiny bit of memory back. She was flying around Midvale with a girl that looked just like her.

Was she? Why was she remembering this now?

She couldn’t remember, because it was impossible for her to have been there.

But why had she woken up saying Alex? Who was she before opening her eyes?

She frantically reads and starts going from file to file.

_“Supergirl seems to have separated. She has no memory of the events, nor her counterpart”_

_Project Kaznia._

_Red Daughter._

_Kara Danvers._

Kara Danvers.

The tears she lets go are of rage. That’s the reason she didn’t remember anything. Her past life was still alive in Kara’s body. She was Kara, or had been Kara. She wasn’t another alien, she wasn’t her sister— she was being asked to murder her previous self.

The headache becomes noticeable as soon as she accepts the idea. Like she has just cracked a code and her mind is assimilating her existence. The moments she had spent writhing while separating until she became dust and the dust became herself again but in another continent. That’s as far as she can remember.

She finds a book hidden in one of the boxes and starts reading it. The messy handwriting looks a lot like her own, but instead of Russian, this is written in English, mixed with some symbols she recognizes as Kryptonian.

Kara’s life tells itself to Snowbird on every page.

Her job, her friends, her sister and Lena.

“ _Tuesday, December 26 th._

_Alex berated me AGAIN for chickening out. Ok, ok, I get it. I survived the Phantom Zone, I have fought the Alien Mongooses, the Daxamites of terror… you’d believe I would have some balls of steel, right?  But listen, telling your best friend you’re in love with her IS NOT EASY._

_Have you seen Lena Luthor in her office suit? Rao, no. That woman looks like she could kill me. She scares me more than— I don’t know, the disappearance of potstickers from Earth and I MEAN it._

_I’m trying. I swear I am, but what if I ruin my friendship? I couldn’t bear to lose her, but what if I’m missing the greatest thing that could happen to me? Rao, bless Lena Luthor and her ability to turn me into a puddle of nonsense._

_There goes Supergirl, superfucked._

_Anyway, hope the next entry has some better news._

_Sincerely, K, the one true Danvers.”_

Snowbird smiles while sobbing quietly. This was her life.

_“Friday, January 14 th._

_Dear Diary_

_I just met the most gorgeous woman ever._

_So this is the thing, I went with Clark to an interview in Luthor-Corp. Surprisingly renamed as L-Corp now, because of the attack. Now, miss Oh-my-god-I-was-born-perfect rules the company._

_She told me I should be a reporter, I laughed because, you know I’m not. The only thing I write is this diary. But I could give it a shot if it meant interviewing her more often. Oh, btw, her name is Lena._

_Did you know Lena is a variant of Elena and that it means light? Very fitting. Clark told me that she’s adopted AND is part Irish. Did you also know that “Cara” means FRIEND in Irish? You heard it here first, I will take it as destiny giving me a sign._

_I seriously respect Cat Grant, but I will ask if there are open spots in L-Corp to be an assistant. Who knows, maybe it’ll be necessary for future investigations? I’m all about duty!_

_Your beloved “cara” here, with another entry._

_Bye, diary”_

This had been taken away from her, and she was mad, so mad but so full of light and joy now, she couldn’t comprehend it. She was happy for Kara. Kara was her, even though now they’re both apart. If she wanted to secure a future for Kara she should—

“What are you doing here!?”

Snowbird turns around quickly to see Lex. She flies towards him as fast as she can, not counting the kryptonite he has on his fist when she feels the first punch. It weakens her, and she knows she can’t fight him.  If she does, he would alert everyone before she leaves and she needs to get to Lena.

They don’t know where she has been escaping to. They have no clue where would she go if she leaves. So she makes her exit plan and flies past him, using the route she has been using all these months to leave. When she comes back, she doesn’t know if she will die, if she will stay, if she will make her purpose— and she can’t risk it being now. She needs to see Lena, she needs to say goodbye. She needs to be able to kiss her one more time.

Snowbird feels the blood pouring from her slowly, and she gets scared, hitting some branches on the way and feeling the cut sting a little bit, while waiting for it to slowly close. When she arrives, she knows she looks like a mess and she knows that Lena might have questions but, when she sees the brunette, it’s like nothing has happened.

She smiles widely because she’s the only thing she needs now, and uses her super-speed to hug her tightly. Like she hasn’t seen her in years.

“I missed you, Lena.”

“What happened?”

She dismisses Lena’s question with a tiny kiss and looks at her. She can’t believe this woman likes her. Snowbirds feels adoration and so much love for Lena Luthor she can’t even measure it. She doesn’t want to look away, she just wants to stay there and look at those beautiful eyes forever.

The cut on her body stings again one more time, reminding her where she comes from.

“Can I clean myself?”

“Sure. Just take a bath in the bathroom. It will relax you.”

She nods and goes to the bathroom. She has never been there before. Having only known Lena’s living room and bedroom, and she gasps when she sees it.

It’s a tiny bathroom. Cosy and private, but it looks like it’s worth a million dollars. There are no luxuries, per se, but everything is so immaculately clean. So different from the hole in her room with one toilet and a hose with a bucket to clean herself.

There’s a white curtain and, when she opens it, she sees something that reminds her of the ship she was shown. A hole for her to sit, maybe, with silver decorations. Snowbird starts looking for a bucket with water but doesn’t find anything, and she really needs to clean herself.

She focuses her hearing and listens to Lena in the kitchen, so she asks her question loudly to make sure Lena hears her

“Where’s the bucket!?”

Snowbird listens to Lena’s step as she comes closer and then her voice sounds just outside of the door.

“What bucket?”

The blonde rolls her eyes and smiles, answering matter-of-factly

“Where you have the water so I can wash myself”

“The water comes out of the pipes, darling.” Snowbird listens to Lena laughing and she starts looking around confused.

What are pipes?

She doesn’t see anything and she wants to ask but is nervous about embarrassing herself over a dumb question. She sighs.

“What pipes?”

Lena knocks the door softly like asking for permission “Do you need help?”

“Yes. Please.”

Snowbird feels her cheeks turning red when she sees Lena entering the bathroom. It seems like her question was indeed dumb, but, as hard as she’s trying, she can’t remember anything that has that name. She hasn’t learned about them yet.

She sees Lena leaning into the ship-like thing she saw before and opening something on the wall. The thing starts shooting streams of water and the little silver thing on the wall, too. The sound is relaxing and Snowbird goes towards it slowly. Mesmerized.

When she touches the water, she feels the warmth and her body gets ready to go in. She has never seen anything like it and she gasps.

“Wow.”

“You’ve never seen one?”

She shakes her head no without even turning to see Lena. This is so different than filling her bucket with cold water and pouring it over herself. Was she supposed to get inside? It would be like being in a pool, she thinks.

“So I just go in there?”

“Yes”

She hears Lena say, and she wastes no time taking her clothes off. She discards the sweatpants and her jacket. She takes off her underwear and lets it fall on the ground. She gets goosebumps in anticipation

“But you need the soap, the shampoo, and the conditioner.”

She leans and gets one had near the edge for support, while she gets one leg in. The bubbles created from the streams tickle her and the warmness engulfs her limb. She gets more confident and sinks in slowly, trying to enjoy everything until she gets to the bottom and sits down. She whimpers, pleased with the sensation and throws her head back until she feels the ceramic beneath her head, slightly above the water. Her eyes close and she relaxes.

She notices Lena hasn’t said anything for a while so she opens her eyes again and turns to see her. Lena’s holding some bottles tightly in her hands and she can see the pink dots on her cheeks through the thin fog in the bathroom.

She’s looking at her and Snowbird feels conscious and shyly smiles. She extends her arms to the things she’s carrying.

“What are those stuff?”

“Uhh— ehm, shampoo and conditioner, for—for your hair, and soap for everything that’s not your hair.”

Lena stutters, and Snowbird chuckles because of the way she sounds. She’s nervous, although she really doesn’t understand why. She wants to enjoy every moment with Lena and she wants the brunette to relax with her.

She doesn’t know what will happen in the morning and she decides to make every second count. She needs it, and Lena deserves it.

“Can you get in here with me?”

Lena blinks rapidly, seeming unsure of what to do. The expectation is easily noticeable on Snowbird’s face. She wants to lay back and enjoy the warm water with Lena, but when the woman shakes her head no, she can’t help that brush of pain that gets to her.

Had she done something wrong?

She feels her eyes clouding with tears, probably giving up after everything she had found out, and exhaustion, and all the feelings catching up but then she sees the movement of Lena’s hand and, even though she’s breathing like she’s trying to control herself, she starts undressing.

Snowbird knows she shouldn’t be staring. It can be impolite and it could make Lena uncomfortable, but, the more skin gets exposed, the more attached are her eyes to the brunette’s body. The creamy skin looks so different from her tanned body, it seems like she hasn’t seen a naked body before.

Lena is the complete opposite of what she is. She’s not skinny, but she’s nowhere near fat either. She’s perfect. She doesn’t have as many muscles as Snowbird, but she does have curves that accentuate every part on her body that the blonde can’t stop watching. She’s so used to her hard body, strong because of her alien physique that she can’t help not be open-mouthed because of Lena’s humanness. She looks so delicate. She’s the perfect amount of softness and Snowbird wants nothing more than grazing her fingers on top of her skin.

She feels her body heating up and she doesn’t really understand why, because the temperature in the water remains the same. Her body is yelling at her to get up and hug her. She just wants to feel her near, and admire her and just tell her how much she loves her. Because it is love, she’s sure. If her beating heart is an indicator, if the stories she has read are real, this is what she’s exactly feeling.

The tiny marks on her hips give her another bit of humanity Snowbird adores, and she wants to see them up close. She wants to kiss them and sleep in Lena’s arms. But first, she just wants to share a bath with her.

When she sees Lena taking away the last piece of clothing, the blonde extends her hands while saying “please” and the brunette wastes no time holding them to find some balance and get inside the bath, right behind her.

Snowbird moves closer when she feels Lena’s breasts against her back and her heart reacts beating loudly. She too can hear Lena’s heart changing the pace. Snowbird lays her head softly on Lena’s shoulder and closes her eyes. This is heaven, she’s sure.

She grabs Lena’s hands on her own and pours water on her chest. Lena takes her hand away softly and shifts. Snowbird waits for her and, when she feels more water on her chest and sees the tiny pot Lena has in her hand, she understands.

She smiles again and relaxes, feeling Lena bathing her and pouring water on her back and shoulders.

Snowbird sees Lena pouring some shampoo on her hands and then she feels her fingers threading on her hair. She feels the massage on her scalp and she takes care of her body with the soap. She whispers how much she likes the massages and listens to Lena’s breathing hitching

Snowbird gets closer to her and lets her mind wander away. She thinks of Kara and how much she wishes she had never been separated. She wants to remember all she read on the diary and experience having known Lena for all that time. She wants to relive every single moment they ever shared and she certainly wants more time afterward.

Snowbird then thanks Rao for having separated them, so she could learn about Lex and know how to protect Lena. If it hadn’t happened, she would be Kara, and Kara still has no idea about what’s going on in Kaznia.

She will leave a world where Lena can be happy and is safe from all evil. She fantasizes about the same thing she did all those nights ago. She dreams she’s a bird and she gets to visit Lena every morning and wake her up with her singing. And Lena would wake up and open the window to let her in. Keep a cage with an open door so she could come be with her when she wanted, and she could leave and fly around when she needed to be free.

She feels her heart bursting and she just needs to say it. She can’t hold it in anymore.

“Lena?” Snowbird says and feels Lena stop caressing her hair for a bit. “I think I love you.”

Snowbird just lets it go. She hears a tiny gasp and she prepares herself for the worst. However, it doesn’t take more than 5 seconds for Lena to hug her tight and respond.

“I think I love you too.”

The blonde turns her head and kisses her. A tiny bathroom becoming the place where she hears the most beautiful words for the first time. Lena loves her. Lena loves her as much as she loves her.

She kisses her thinking about how many times Lex pronounced the same words, followed by a fist, and Lena followed them with caresses and kisses. Lena put actions to her words in the form of biscuits and tea. Soft words, long hours, reassurance whispers and the purest heart she had ever found.

She feels safe. And she understands this is what love should always feel like.

“Why me?” Lena asks her while kissing her forehead.

Snowbird smiles. How would it not be her? The woman that took her in when she didn’t know who she was. Lena, the one that wiped her tears before asking any questions and snuggled with her on those cold nights.

She thinks about The Little Prince.

To tame is to establish ties, the fox had said. Before all the time spent together, Lena was nothing more than one woman in an Earth of billions. Before all these months, Snowbird was just another Kryptonian to Lena, but then they met. They started to need each other, to her—Lena was unique because no one meant to her as much as she did.

The little prince had tamed the fox, he had also become responsible for his rose. His rose looked like all the others, just like Lena looked like any other woman, but Lena was her rose. Wasn’t she?

She smiled. Lena is her rose. She’s the one she had chosen to put under glass. She had chosen to shelter her, and, at the same time, Lena had done the same. It wasn’t only her, it was the time she had given her that was so important. She thanks that little book for teaching her the words she wants to say.

 _“There might be millions of roses in the whole world, but you’re my only one, unique rose.”_ Snowbird whispers her answer and feels Lena’s warm tears on her forehead when she finishes _“It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important.”_

“I— ” Lena starts but Snowbird interrupts her

“I know.” She sighs and tells the brunette she’s done with her bath. They both get up and Lena goes straight towards a towel, getting behind Snowbird and drying her back carefully. With such delicacy that she’s sure that she feels the caresses on her heart and her stomach because they both flutter.

She feels some words trapping on her throat and a light headache starts when she feels her eyes burning because of the tears she can no longer keep inside. She knows she has to go, but she doesn’t want to. She wants to extend this moment forever. Feel as loved as she feels right now and never, ever have to deal with any problem again.

She could be happy here. She could make Lena happy.

She wants to do something. Her body asks her to do something for the burning she’s feeling inside, but she doesn’t know why. It seems like it aches for Lena. She wants her, but she’s not sure how— She sobs out of frustration, which gets Lena’s attention and when the brunette looks up to probably ask what’s wrong, Snowbird kisses her.

She goes to her lips immediately with force. She’s surprised by her own actions but she can’t stop.  She kisses her with all the passion and love she has, feeling Lena responding to her touch. She feels like she’s running miles per hour and her body just heats up more.

She feels Lena’s hands on her back and her fingers pressing firmly on her waist and she wants more. She knows she does. The Kryptonian lets go of her and stares at her bright eyes. They’re no longer that green, instead, she sees them darker. She finds love in that look and they both smile.

“Lena, can you please take me to bed?”

Lena frowns almost immediately in disbelief and lets out a choked _“what?”_ but Snowbird keeps a straight face. Not wanting to sound hesitant, letting her know how sure she was of the words she had said.

“I know you heard me, please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I am.”

So she does as Snowbird asks. Lena takes her to bed and Snowbird just follows her. The brunette carefully puts her down and Snowbird smiles adoringly, because of the tenderness the woman uses to treat her. The blonde can bend steel with her hands, and Lena Luthor still manages to treat her like she’s a glass doll when she gets on top of her.

The water on their bodies wets the sheets but, if Lena minds she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Snowbird takes a moment to breathe in everything that’s going on. She knows something will happen, she knows her body needs something and that Lena can help, but she just can’t wrap her mind entirely on what can go on. She can’t think about anything else than the fact that a naked Lena is on top of her and the moonlight makes her look like someone from a different planet. Which is funny, considering that Snowbird is the alien one.

Lena presses herself to her chest and kisses her slowly. She feels both of her breasts together and a rush of fear goes through her. Nothing as intimate had ever happened to her and, being right there, beneath her, she never could have imagined her body could feel this way. It’s like Lena is telling her how much she loves her, but only with her body and she knows it makes no sense but— she needs to do the same.

Could her hands do the same? Would they express the same things to the brunette? She caresses Lena’s back with the tip of her fingers and feels the woman shiver, while her skin gets goosebumps. This is good, she thinks. Because Lena becomes more demanding with her kisses, deepening them and Snowbird feels like her hands are on fire, so she just raises them up and threads them on Lena’s hair to make sure the brunette doesn’t stop kissing her.

The softness of her face, the swell of her breasts on top of her, the brush of her tongue, everything is making Snowbird fill with so many unknown feelings. She wants to tell her but finds no voice within her, so she just moans.

She feels embarrassed as suddenly as the sound comes out, but Lena seems to become more excited because of it. She lets her fingers skim along her shoulders and her chest, and she starts giving Snowbird open-mouthed kisses on her neck, and the blonde feels she’s about to explode.

She shivers. She’s nervous. She feels like she’s entering into some dangerous territory, but she couldn’t care less about the risks. She just wants to go in and let Lena lead the way to what she knows will make her the happiest woman around.

Lena looks at her while caressing her breasts, and Snowbird notices that her nipples have hardened under her touch. She doesn’t know what to expect and Lena’s waiting on her to do something, but when she throws her head back and feels the warm flick of her tongue on one of her breasts, she can’t hold the loud moan that comes out of her. One that makes her throw her hands to cover her mouth and makes Lena get her own hands on top of hers, pulling them down.

“I want to hear you”

That’s when the blonde gets her fingers on Lena’s hair again and makes her come closer. The words release something within her, the smell of Lena becomes intoxicating. Everything in the situation enlivens her. She feels trapped and surrounded by sensations. She feels Lena’s mouth, and tongue and teeth and she keeps on making the little sounds she was previously embarrassed by but now is too far down the road to even care.

Lena’s hands explore her body and Snowbird just closes her eyes. She feels the tickles in the back of her neck like her brain is being overstimulated and her skin heats up more. She feels Lena going down with every kiss, without stopping her caresses on her waist, finishing with a tiny peck over her bellybutton.

They smile together. Snowbird sees Lena getting up slightly and stare at her. She should feel self-conscious, being so exposed to her, but Lena’s eyes show such devotion that Snowbird can only feel like she’s flying.  She loves her— Rao, how much she loves her.

Lena seems to be taking her in and after some seconds, Snowbird notices her getting closer to her centre. Lena stops, not taking her eyes away and the blonde grows impatient for whatever Lena plans on doing.

The brunette caresses her thighs and goes to kiss them. Tiny pecks shower up and down her legs, and she feels the hairs on her body standing up for the sensation. The sensitive skin makes everything feel so delicious and when she feels Lena’s tongue giving a teasing lick at the end of her thigh, she feels like she will pass out.

She repeats the movements on her other leg and when she feels like she’s reaching up again, Snowbird bucks her hips unintentionally. She’s unsure if she hits Lena and she’s ready to apologize for the sudden movement but Lena doesn’t leave much time to react because she feels her right there.

She’s sure she’s dead because she starts seeing lights behind her eyelids and her hips start a movement of their own as soon as she feels Lena’s mouth on her. The brunette gets one arm above her pelvis and the Kryptonian bites her lips to prevent her from screaming out when Lena’s fingers find their way inside.

She feels her completely.

She doesn’t know what to do with everything she’s feeling, so she takes her hands to her breasts, mimicking the caresses Lena had been giving her and everything intensifies. Was it really happening? She does not know. Something so magnificent had to be a fantasy of hers. She feels every kind of warm inside of her. She feels the girl speeding up and she responds with loud cries and desperate pleads. And then it just seems like her entire existence reduces itself to this moment. She explodes, going away.

Every single nerve of her body focuses their attention on the place Lena’s in. All the pleasure she could ever feel becomes a bomb that extends to every single part of her. She feels like she gets high, and up an away from everything and colours fill her eyes, even though they remain closed.

Her heart seems like it will come out of her chest. She goes to a place where she’s no longer Snowbird, and she wasn’t Red Daughter and no one but Lena and whoever she is, exists. Lena, Lena, Lena.

The explosion fades away slowly and she feels the tears leave her eyes. Happy satisfied tears. Heartbroken tears for what she knows will happen. A goodbye she dreads. A trip back to Kaznia she doesn’t want to do.

The brunette brings her back with a kiss. She gets lost on the way Lena moves her mouth on hers, and she decides that she also wants to make her feel the way she just felt. She wants to see Lena and feel her entirely, but when she goes down with her hand and feels the soft curls between her legs, Lena stops her.

The woman brings Snowbird’s hand to her mouth and kisses each finger, wetting them with the silent tears she too has been letting out. Lena takes out her fingers and Snowbird sighs.

The blonde changes positions until they’re sideways, and kisses Lena all over her face. She focuses on kissing every tear and then she just gives her tiny pecks on the lips.

“I’m— ”

Snowbird listens to Lena but she interrupts her. She doesn’t want to talk, she wants to live this instant and rejoice in every second she can. She wants to stretch the time and never have to let go.

“Shh. Don’t. Just let me take on every detail of this moment, please.” The blonde caresses her hair and closes her eyes. “I’m going to miss you too.”

She hears Lena break down and her silent tears become sobs, so she just starts singing the lullaby Lena said her mother sang to her and Béirín to comfort her when she was little. Perhaps she couldn’t fly to her window and brighten her day with her melodies, but she could make her happy and calm her down right now. This time, she’s the one that takes care of Lena.

She’s the one that has to know how to use the words the brunette has taught her to tell her how much she means to her, all the truth that has been kept secret and everything she wants Lena to remember when she’s gone.

She sees Lena drifting away, slowly falling asleep, so she presses her lips to her forehead and tells her the only thing she’s completely sure of

“I love you, Lena Luthor”

And she hopes that Lena hears her, because those are the words she wants the brunette to keep with her forever.

 

After spending some hours watching the girl next to her and caressing her hair, Snowbird goes to the bookshelf for some paper and pen, taking Béirín with her. She listens to Lena’s soft snoring while she sits down and hugs the bear with all the love she feels. Hoping maybe it can catch some of it and keep Lena company for the rest of her life.

“You be good to her, ok? Be as good as you’ve been with me.” She talks to the teddy like it is a real person and she smiles because of how silly it is “I will miss you, Béirín. Thanks for teaching me so much and helping me calm down when I needed it.”

She doesn’t know where to start, but as soon as the pen touches the paper, the words come as naturally as every other thing that involves Lena.

_“Privet, Lena Luthor!_

_I hope you slept fine. I promised I tried to sleep but you looked so calm and beautiful it was almost impossible to look away. Trust me, I almost stayed there forever._

_I should begin telling you my story, but it seems that you know more about me than anyone else, and the best part of my quick story was created while I was with you._

_I don’t know how much time I’ve been alive. I think that less than a year and even though I know I once was Kara Danvers, I have no idea why I separated from her and why I woke up without any knowledge. I could only pronounce two names; one of them was yours, the other was Alex’s._

_I believed for a while that Alex was a bald man with a Luthor last name, he made me think that and he also talked to me about his evil sister Lena. The sister I kept dreaming about of, a distorted face in my head whenever I went to sleep._

_Her and Supergirl needed to die, he said. And, for a moment, I trusted him, but I wanted to look for answers and that’s why I arrived on your couch one day, sobbing with sadness, not knowing how to speak properly and looking to finally give a face to the name I kept pronouncing._

_I wasn’t disappointed. You truly are the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. And my constant sadness throughout the days was because of the fact that someday I’d have to do something horrible to the most intelligent, caring and loving woman, and her friend. Because apparently they were evil and I needed to be good._

_Your brother said he loved me and that’s why he trained me hard, and sometimes beat me. But I know what love feels like. You made sure I did. Love feels like coming to you after a rough day and eating biscuits. Love feels like your voice guiding me through the most beautiful book. Love feels like your kisses that taste like tea, and milk, and honey. Love is like when you braided my hair while sparing your time to teach me how to speak, only so I can finally learn the words to tell you I love you as much as you do._

_I had given up and just told myself I would do the wrong thing and spare you and my “sister” from everything, because I could never hurt you. I could never hurt anyone, but then we talked and you told me about your family and you showed me Lex, the true Alex and who he was. And I needed to do something, Lena. He would never leave you alone, so I confronted him and I got beaten up pretty badly and I came home to you and you kissed every one of my bruises and you showed me what love can feel on my body. And even if death finds me some hours after writing you this letter, I want to let you know you already made me live._

_I’m going there now and I’m going to put an end to this. I’ll go knowing how much you love me and I hope I made you realize how much I love you too. Did you know Kara also loves you? I read it on her diary! But don’t tell her, I don’t want her to be mad with you. Perhaps that’s why I kept reciting your name daily. I was Kara Danvers before, and I’m not sure if after this I will be her again. But if you can’t find me in her, remember you can always look up at the sky._

_In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted, you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend._

_Give Béirín a hug for me._

_With love, Snowbird.”_

She sees her tears wetting the paper and she hugs Beírín and buries her face on his head to calm down the sobbing. She is pleased with the content of the letter, all of the feelings finding their way and she smiles with sadness.

She won’t see Lena again. She knows it, but she also knows what she has to do. At the end of the day, isn’t love filled with sacrifices? She prefers dying while keeping Lena safe and taking these moments with her than staying to extend her happiness and risk Lena’s existence every second.

She grabs the letter and goes to the bathroom that had heart their first “I love you” and kneels in front of the tub while speaking to Beírín.

“You have to be a good boy and take care of this letter.” She kisses him and places him inside with the letter on his lap.

She goes out on her tiptoes and sees Lena sleeping. She heads to the bed and softly kisses the top of her head before sighing. The blonde recites a prayer to Rao and blesses Lena on his light, just before getting up and following her plan.

 

*

 

She’s sick of it. Can’t she get a moment of normalcy for once in her life!? Wasn’t it enough seeing herself dead in a freaking place called Kaznia she didn’t even know existed? Now she also has to be pinched with needles all over in the hands of her evil—

“OUCH!” she yells

Alex laughs when she manages to draw the tiny sample of blood from her sister’s fingers.

“Stop being such a baby, Kara.”

“You say that because you aren’t the one being tortured.”

Alex pinches her again just for the sake of it and she yells again

“Stop it, Alex!”

“I’m going to tell your new girlfriend that you’re a coward.”

Kara blushes but she smiles. She thinks about these past months with Lena and she can’t picture a moment she has been happier. After the news of Lex Luthor dying and the appearance of someone that had separated from her, the only tiny portion of sanity left in her life has been next to Lena.

Her best friend. Lena had been distant for a few months but investigating what had happened in Kaznia had brought them closer, she still smiles remembering their sushi nights and the hours spent in front of the files they had rescued. Everything was so fascinating and Lena was so interested in it, they just became more attached than they already were.

She had been the one to ask Lena out and she beat up herself mentally for not having said anything before and missing out of the purest love she had ever felt. Well, besides –

“Ouch!”

Alex.

“You weren’t listening!” Alex shrugs her shoulders and excuses herself “I asked if the headaches have come with those weird memories you say you’ve been having”

“Sometimes.”

“As soon as we find the answer we can stop pinching you.”

“Make it fast then. And hurry up, National Geographic is premiering that new documentary about birds I told you about.”

“I swear to God you’re so weird it sickens me to call you my sister sometimes.”

“Don’t tell Lena about it”

“About your newly found obsession? I’ll let her figure it out.”

_Snowbird._

_Snowbird and the obsession with birds she now had gotten too._

Who would have thought they were such fascinating creatures? Kara smiles and prays for her soul, something she does whenever she thinks of her. She still thinks of the calm look she had when she found her. What had she been thinking still remains a mystery, but at least she’s pleased that that other part of herself went away in peace.

She walks out of the lab and gets a headache before her mind gets another image she has never lived before. At least not in this body.

_She’s playing with a little boy. He speaks in Russian and Kara doesn’t understand the language yet but he seems mocking her before dribbling and scoring a goal._

_He runs towards her arms and smiles, hugging her tightly._

Kara feels her heart stop for a moment and smiles. Feeling proud for her other her. _You must have done something right, huh?_ Kara thinks but projects it as if the other blonde could hear her _Snowbird, Snowbird,_ _you were so loved._

 

Months go by and the other girl’s presence becomes stronger every day. Kara doesn’t mind. Her curiosity is pleased every time she gets a headache that announces another memory getting to her. Mikhail, the birds, the forest, the winter, the hours spent training and reading.

She can’t stop the tears when a bad memory gets to her, but she reassures herself Lex Luthor is buried several feet below her and blesses Snowbird again for her sacrifice. Hoping she finds light wherever she is.

Kara sometimes talks to herself as if Snowbird is with her. She becomes attached to that person that even though was herself, she never got to know, and she decides to use her diary to write to her and tell her how her life has been and how much she wishes she was here.

She loves her, even though Alex would call her weird, but she is now part of her life and she loves learning about her daily.

She wants to tell Lena about it, finally. So she plans a dinner with her girlfriend and decides to share this part of her after eating.

They both eat homemade potstickers and finish with the chocolate biscuits that Kara loves. The ones Lena bakes for her since they started dating.

Her girlfriend looks so beautiful and she can’t believe she gets to be hers. Kara smiles and tells Snowbird that she needs all the bravery she can get so she can tell Lena about the memories, and the headaches and her story.

She gets The Little Prince on her hands and plumps on the couch to rest a little after the meal, while Lena goes to her room. Kara hears some boxes moving while she reads and focuses on Lena. She sees her through the hallway, but Lena doesn’t notice her.

She opens the box and retrieves a teddy bear and a letter that she finds familiar and frowns. The movement causing one big headache that makes her sit down on the couch rapidly and put her head on her hands.

_“These are the colours”_ Kara sees Lena sliding her finger and a strong Russian accent comes out of Kara’s throat in her mind _“krasnyj”_. Her girlfriend smiles at her _“red”_

Kara can’t believe what she’s seeing. This was, this is— it had been her. It had always been her. Her mind goes miles per hour and images and conversations fill her mind.

_“Red Daughter, I. Lena.”_

_“Nice to meet you, Snowbird. I’m Lena.”_

_“Would you read to me again the part of the stars?”_

_“Is Kara safe?”_

_“Yes. I promise.”_

_“I missed you, Lena.”_

_“I think I love you too.”_

There’s so much love, there’s so much she wishes she could understand and Lena, Lena was making her happy even before being together. Snowbird, part Kara, had gone to Lena just like she had always wanted to do. Even when she wasn’t entirely herself, she had to find the scientist, didn’t she?

She gets up wiping her tears while her mind still shows her more and more and she feels so happy, and she wishes Snowbird was here because she would hug her so hard, and then she sees herself hugging Béirín and writing the same letter Lena is reading and when she’s done, she just can’t breathe properly anymore.

Lena is still reading quietly, so Kara knows mere seconds have gone by, but she has lived an entire new lifetime and she has never felt so complete.

 _“Privet, Lena Luthor!”_ resonates in her mind while she throws herself into the bed. Happily thanking Snowbird for everything. She now understands why she was in peace, she now gets why she would sacrifice herself and the moment she sees the military facility exploding in her mind and feels no pain, she knows.

When she sees the dust and the tingling sensation in her veins, she knows. When Kara looks down to her shirt, with a conveniently placed bird on her chest and gives it a little kiss, she gets all the answers.

Because Snowbird never left. She’s become part of her and has been waiting for her to notice. She looks up when she feels Lena staring at her and sees her teary eyes, the same emerald green that had caught her in, even before she knew it.

 _“I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.”_   Lena’s words play themselves on her head and she remembers her soft caresses.

She doesn’t want to ruin this, because Lena suspects and Kara smirks. Seeing the tiny reaction of recognition and surprise on Lena’s face before looking down at her book.

Because it is their shared secret now.

Because no words can make this moment better.

Because they love her.

_You will be content that you have known me..._

And she knows that’s Snowbird speaking to her.

_You will always be my friend._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are encouraged and welcomed and appreciated. And I feel so grateful for everyone that read the previous chapter and didn't hesitate to share their thoughts with me, I felt really validated and motivated to write this.
> 
> I just posted another story with Snowbird in and that one gets a happy ending, I promise :) It's called [One Last Season](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19881883/chapters/47088406) In case, you want to keep on reading about the Kaznian bean. 
> 
> And I'm available on [tumblr](https://ellie-aird.tumblr.com/), in case you want to follow me

**Author's Note:**

> I'd very much appreciate your comments. Although I really like it as it is, I am thinking on doing a Snowbird's PoV soon, if you guys would like that.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it and all feedback is encouraged! Thanks for reading :)
> 
>  
> 
> If you have a prompt, or want to yell at me. I just opened a tumblr, feel free to walk me through it, because I have no idea of how it works. https://ellie-aird.tumblr.com/


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